UPDATE for My [28/M] girlfriend [F/28] is obsessed with making money and has traded our quality time for a second job and it's killing our relationship.

Old post in case you missed it- https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/jwmfay/my_28m_girlfriend_f28_is_obsessed_with_making/

Writing this update because I shared my previous post with my psychologist ahead of our session so they were able to get an idea of what one thing was causing me problems so I decided to do it again for my session this coming week. Also there's a chance that some of you might be interested in what happened.

I wish I had a story where I explain my feelings and everything gets better or we work for a better tomorrow but none of that happened. I sat Jess down and explained that I felt like her need to make money is more important to her than improving our relationship and even argued that our relationship was deteriorating and it's starting to feel like I don't even have a girlfriend.

Jess claimed that our relationship was one of the most important things in our lives and didn't understand why I thought our date nights sucked and why I felt like she prioritized work over us. She then asked why would I think that and I asked-

1) When was the last time we actually finished a movie during one of these date nights?

2) When was the last time we actually went out and did something together?

3) When was the last time you stayed awake for a whole evening or napped together?

4) When was the last time we actually got intimate?

Jess thought for a moment and all of her answers were- before I took this second job. I asked her why she needed a second job and she told me she needed it to make enough money to prove that she was a success. I insisted to her that she was a success- she finished college and got a well paying job in her field. Then I got a little selfish and told her I felt like the third wheel in this relationship she has with working and asked if she'd consider quitting job #2 and/or talk to a therapist (covered by her M-F employer's insurance plan). She rejected both ideas.

Despite everything she insisted that she had to prove to everyone that she "made" it but will try to make date nights feel more like date nights instead of "eat and I clean her apartment then we sleep night". Jess has typically been a woman of her word so I decided to give her improved date night another chance. Sadly it was more or less the same. She got my favorite food delivered and dinner went as it usually did. However after ~15-20 minutes of movie night she's out cold and I'm cleaning her kitchen and bathroom...again. When she got up, she looked mad(?) at herself for doing the same thing again and promised that next week would be better. I told her to skip the next date night and rest up instead. She looked saddened, agreed that probably would be the best and promised that the next one for sure would be better. So tonight it's just me, myself and I thinking if whether or not I want to stay or go.

I'm just lost, resentful and alone right now. It doesn't help that that all my friends and their partners going out on dates, taking pictures in front of Christmas decorations, going Christmas shopping together and having actual date nights.

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tl;dr: Explained to my girlfriend who is working 56 hours weekly that it feels like her obsession with making money is more important to her than our relationship. She claims that she has shown that our relationship is important and that she needs the money to prove that she's "made" it to her friends/family/whoever. I explained that I believe she is a success (and she is) but that wasn't good enough and that she needs to keep doing this. Currently thinking of leaving.

EDIT: some words and added missing details.

EDIT #2: It's 56 hours/week. Apparently I forgot what 8*7 was

Submitted November 28, 2020 at 02:21PM by Fail-Right https://ift.tt/3o04ENK