I’ve been together with my boyfriend for more than 4 years. We’ve been through a lot of changes during this time, but things have always been great between us. I love him more than anything and I don’t want to even imagine my life without him.
My bf is in the entertainment industry, and in the last few months he’s had a lot of success, although it had been building up for the last couple of years really. But now it’s started to get to a really weird point, where people will recognize him sometimes when we’re out in public, grocery shopping and stuff. I'm really really happy for him and all of the opportunities that have come his way, and I don’t really mind the public part of his profession. But all the attention that has started coming from other girls has made me feel quite insecure, and I’m scared that it will just keep building up.
It’s just hard to describe the feeling… I’ve never been a super confident person anyway, and although I don’t hate the way I look and I try hard to eat healthy and go to the gym regularly, I’ve never been the girl that guys just line up to date. Before my boyfriend I had only been with a couple of guys, and none of it was serious. And he’s by far the most traditionally handsome guy that’s ever been interested in me.
But the types of girls that have started pursuing him lately are not only prettier than me, have better bodies than me, but also so much more popular and well-known. A few weeks ago we were invited to what was supposed to be a really casual event, with just a few people, and I just hated it because of seeing how flirty a girl tried to get with him. I just felt like I had to act cool when I wasn’t, and I’m scared that after the pandemic is over this will just get worse and worse.
Social media has been really bad for all of this. I won’t go into too much detail as one can probably paint the picture by themselves. It’s not even the explicit stuff that he gets sent, it’s the cute and flirty messages that I’ve read which made me feel the worst. I never realized people can be so direct before seeing some of this stuff, and it’s obvious in our pictures together that he has a girlfriend.
The first few times he received messages from fans we both thought it was super cute, and the first time he received a nude picture we both thought it was weird and creepy and we laughed about it. But then it just got crazy. I know I can trust him 100 % because he lets me scroll through his social media freely, but I always know that a couple of clicks away I can see a message from a girl way prettier than me who wants to f*ck my boyfriend. He doesn’t seem to care about any of it, but I don’t know if he’s just pretending in order to not make me feel bad.
It’s really messing with my self-esteem, and it’s like a downward spiral of confidence which has affected our sex life as well. I’ve pretty much stopped feeling beautiful around him, and I don’t feel like there’s any point for him to find me attractive anymore if he can just be with an actual model.
I don’t work in his industry, and although I like my job, it’s not something that I will ever be able to have lots of success in, so that kind of makes me feel inferior on top of everything too. I’m just not sure how to handle my insecurities anymore. It feels like I’m just waiting for him to leave me for someone better. And I don’t want to talk to him about it because I feel like I’ll just be highlighting the fact that I’m not being a good girlfriend. I just don’t want to lose him.
I’m aware a lot of this isn’t rational because I know he’s not a superficial person, he tells me he loves me all the time and he’s always been a very kind and supportive person to me and everyone else. But I just feel like any girl would be lucky to be with him and I’m simply just lucky that I met him first, because I don’t know why he would choose me over somebody better than me. And whenever he says or does something nice for me it just makes it worse because in my twisted mind it just shows how special he is and how I don’t deserve him.
I know some people might say I should talk to a therapist about this, but I’m really really terrible at keeping secrets from him, so if I start looking for a therapist, I’ll have to tell my boyfriend why. And I feel like I just can’t do that because then he’ll truly know I’m a total mess.
I'm just looking for any advice on how to overcome this.
tl;dr : I feel really insecure in my relationship and I don't feel good enough for my boyfriend, he is becoming more successful and I feel like he can just find someone better so easily. I've been really low on confidence because of all this lately, and I don't know what to do.
Submitted November 25, 2020 at 07:42AM by thrwawy0918901 https://ift.tt/3pXZuE1
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