Edit: I may have posted prematurely. I put on a Marvel movie (Ant Man) and the two of them settled right in to watch it happily (well as happily as possible). Thank you, kind people who responded.
My (45F) mom (75F) died yesterday. It wasn't totally unexpected, but not expected right then. My dad (78m) is, of course, crushed.
There's a lot to unpack here, but I'll try to keep it concise.
My son (11) and I are/were not super close with my parents. Very different philosophies, and for me, childhood was rough (though not abusive), causing some pain I'm still working on.
It's also worth noting that I'm an only child, so all of the elder parent responsibilities fall on me. Right now I'm deferring my own grief to take care of everything because I want to make it easier for Dad- I lost a mom, but he lost his wife of 55 years.
I'm posting today because my dad is staying with us for a few days (he doesn't want to go home just yet) which I completely understand.
My son, however, does not like my dad very much and doesn't want to be around him. Not because of anything major, my son just doesn't feel like my dad gets him, and he's not entirely wrong.
So right now I'm juggling the following:
- Taking care of dad.
- Taking care of arrangements. (A friend is helping there), and calling mom's friends to let them know.
- Trying to get my son to not sulk and hide in his room, but trying not to be mean about it because I recognize he may be grieving or feeling bad for not grieving in his own way. (Not sure yet).
- Also dealing with my own issues. I was with her and watched her die in the ambulance, then watched the ER work the code. (Dad and son didn't see these parts and I'm not sharing the bad parts with them). I'll never forget watching the life fade from her eyes and a few things she said right before she died. I'll never forget watching her chest caving in as they did compressions, checked pulses, pushed meds, defibrillated, announced asystole, and eventually called it.
I guess the largest question is how to navigate # 1 and 3. Dad is crushed, but having him here is hurting my son in some ways. However, I also think my son should stop being selfish (which is understandably how 11-year-olds think) and spend time with dad and me, even if just watching Marvel movies. I don't want to hurt one while trying to ease the pain of the other.
Sorry for the rambling. Please feel free to pick and choose anything you think you can advise me on. Thank you.
TL;DR Mom died, Dad staying with us a few days, kiddo upset about this, not sure how to balance the two.
Submitted November 26, 2020 at 05:12PM by Inner_Department3 https://ift.tt/33ntXBB
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