My (25M) good friend (25M) is emotionally and physically draining me and I feel bad and tired. Uses 'tricks' to get on top of the conversation. I feel like I can't escape him.

A bit of a back story, I moved from a small town to the capital to go to the uni, and there I met this guy who had his fair share of problems (mental issues, drug issues, aggressiveness, etc.), but he was a nice and funny guy so we became friends. I was somewhat bullied through my elementary and my high school so having him around was nice because I learned a lot from him (how to talk to people, how to be self-confident etc). We had our differences one time (he wanted me to do an exam for him, and I refused) so we distanced a bit.

In the meantime I finish uni, he drops out, I find a job, meet new people, have a GF, have my ups and downs, but I that my life is going decently.

We kept in touch but lately he wants to start going out again with me, calls me often and invites me to go out.

The issue is, every time we go out it is so draining and I feel like sh*t everytime. It mostly revolves around him (he changed a couple of unis in the meantime and now studies psychology, so he uses a lot of mental tricks and manipulations) telling me that I am not worth it, that I need to change my behaviour, that everyone will pick on me like they picked on me when I was young (but he does it really insultingly, he uses some really bad language, calling me names and etc). He is trying to persuade me to do things he likes, and he often calls me, even when I'm working (mostly because he has no friends).

I think he has his heart right, because he says that I can't allow myself to be pushed around, but the ways he says it takes a bit toll on me. Additionally, I have a work now, and I'm not a uni freshmen anymore, so I am more mature, and I don't think that he gives good advice.

The thing that really went too far is this:
Last night I took him to a beginner MMA class (which I go to recreatively, and it is relaxing all the guys are super nice and fun to be around) and he wants to be my sparring partner. He was hitting me really hard, and my head was buzzing (and I need my head for my work :D), so later when I confronted him about it he said something like"Why do you train MMA, go train something else blah blah, this is a blood sport, people here kill each other" even though my group is for beginners only, and every time I sparred guys they went super nice and easy on me. His response to this was "You will never learn if you go easy, you need to eat punches", and me telling him that I don't care about it, he just uses his mental tricks to get on the top of the conversation.

It really makes me tired and sad and even depressed, he is a nice guy, but I am really tired of the way he talks with me (I tried telling him I don't like the way he talks to me, but he doesn't listen and keeps on giving his 'advice'. Additionally, I feel like it is hard now to get rid of him.

Additional problem that I now have is that he is going to my MMA class, which I found really nice and relaxing but with him around I feel unsafe and not in my element.

What can I do? Keep in mind trying to talk to him doesn't work because in the end he dominates the conversation and whatever I say he shuts me down, additionally he is always around, calling me to go out etc - I need to find some kind of distance (maybe to go out with him every couple of months or so).
But I don't know the right way to tell him (keep in mind I have a hard time being honest because I don't wanna hurt anyones feelings, and he even wants to be honest, its just he does it in a such a bad way, for example, I can't work the day after because I think of the conversations we've had the day before)

So - how to talk to this kind of person, should I avoid him altogether, what to do with my MMA class, which was really relaxing, but now it feels like I don't want to go there anymore.

Sorry for the long post and Thank you!!

TL;DR: A friend of mine is making me really tired because of his advice, which comes from a good heart, but he is really aggressive and insulting. Often insults me and says it is for my own good. Is a psychology student so he uses 'tricks' to get on top of the conversation every time I try to explain to him that he shouldn't insult me.

Submitted July 22, 2020 at 02:03PM by Flodah_ https://ift.tt/2E7ldFX