Throwaway because my real reddit has my nickname on it.
I (27F) am leaving my boyfriend (28M) of 6 years on the 28th. We are renting a house with his family, because even though I've lived alone since I was 19, his sister (one of his 6 siblings) asked me when my bf and I were living in a small studio type apartment, to move in with his family so they can save up. He is a musician with a band signed to a local label. I work two jobs to make sure I can pay OUR rent and OUR share of utilities in the house.
I don't make much money even though I work two jobs (about $1500, but I'm not from the US). I don't have any savings because I've supported his dreams throughout our relationship. If he needs new gear, I would offer to buy it because I just know that he's a great musician and he writes amazing songs, and I truly, truly, truly believe in him.
But he is not doing much. From my perspective, he is not doing enough to make his dreams a reality. I know because I'm working 12 hours a day to pursue my dreams. But I can't pursue my dreams and help him pursue his dreams as well.
And it's heartbreaking because we got together when we were 21 and a year after that I just knew he was the one. But then he cheated on me, I forgave him, and after a year cheated on me again. I've caught him twice, but I know he's done it multiple times, but I'm just blinded and hurt and I just gave everything to make it work and now I'm on the losing end crying myself to sleep wishing for everything to just end.
But I can't do that, because I don't want to break my mother's heart.
This week, he came across a lot of money because of songwriting, and we've talked about it in the past that now that he's signed to a label, everything he'll make there will end up as our savings so we can buy a house.
But then the first big pay came and he bought a Macbook, then the second big pay came and he split it with his band. And I just know that I really am not part of any of this man's life plans, even though he has always been in mine. My heart is breaking and I can't stop sobbing because I've been so stupid. Sacrificing everything I have worked for to make someone else happy.
On the 28th, I will get both my pay which I'm planning on using to rent an apartment of my own and start fresh - at 28 years old. I will have no furniture and little to have left for food, but I really really want to leave and reset my life. I read a quote a year ago; most of what weighs me down is not mine to carry. And that was probably the moment I took my first step away from him.
Today, I am determined to leave on the 28th, but that means two more weeks of staying with him and his family. We had a big fight tonight because I found out he split his pay with his bandmates, even though he is clearly the one who needs money the most because most of his bandmates have jobs. He denied telling me that his songwriter's fees will go towards savings to buy a house, and he just decided to stop talking to me.
I'm scared that in the span of two weeks, my mind will change and I will continue being miserable. How can I keep reminding myself (however nice he decides to treat me in the next two weeks) that I am leaving all this heartbreak, betrayal, and misery behind?
TL;DR: Decided to leave my (27f) boyfriend (28m) of 6 years after lying to me about saving up for a house, not doing enough to earn his share of our finances, cheating multiple times on the 28th. Waiting for my salary so I can just leave and start fresh. How can I make sure that no matter how nice he treats me, I will not (again and again) set aside my heartbreak and leave?
Submitted July 18, 2020 at 02:21PM by swearonthe28th https://ift.tt/2BhzbEk
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