4 years ago I [23M] broke up with my first SO [22M]. We basically went from over a year of honeymoon enmeshment to her not wanting anything to do with me the next day, with no warnings or reason. All she had to say was that she didn't love me anymore and there was nothing I could do to change that. To top it off, she was completely indifferent to how I felt about it. Not a sorry, no acknowledgement of how confusing the situation was, nothing at all.
I let her gaslight me into thinking I was insane for not letting go of her or making peace with the breakup or thinking I deserved an explanation. I let her continue to emotionally abuse me with spontaneous phone calls. I spent 4 years beating myself up for not being over her, still trying to make sense of what happened, and avoiding meaningful relationships because of the fear that someone would just up and leave out of the blue again. I was diagnosed with CPTSD. The worst part is my closest friends immediately after the breakup questioned whether there really were no red flags, whether our relationship was really as I described it. I questioned my own sanity.
The other day, I found out that she has BPD. This explained absolutely everything. I talked through everything with my friend who also had an identical experience with someone with BPD. I felt the weight of the world lift off my shoulders. Real relationships don't typically go that way. And she really did love me more than life one day and not at all the next, completely outside of her control and with the lack of any reason. It's normal for people with BPD to become so enmeshed that they lead their partner into thinking that their own love is more intense than it really is. It's normal for them to completely change how they feel about you in the span of hours and believe that they are behaving rationally - to have no remorse or realization doing it. I wasn't crazy. And I'm not an idiot for taking 4 years to process this.
TL;DR My first SO has BPD, nothing about our breakup made sense until now.
Submitted July 17, 2020 at 07:54PM by TonsOfGains https://ift.tt/2ODvzzj
1 comment:
I am deeply grateful for the guidance and support i received during one of the most difficult moments in my life. When i felt hopeless after losing my partner, i was shown a path to reconciliation and healing by Dr Agba. Today, my relationship is stronger, filled with renewed love, trust, and happiness. i will forever be thankful for the wisdom and help that gave me back the person i love. Contact this spiritualist via email on: ( peacefulhome1960@zohomail.com )
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