My boyfriend (23M) won't sleep with me (23MtF), and wants to bring a third party (20F) to sleep with instead. I'm completely against this, but am I being selfish?

Hi! A lot of information has been changed, altered, or left vague because my boyfriend has Reddit.

Back story (very long, read the TL;DR if it's too long):

Basically, my boyfriend and I have known each other for about a couple of years now. I am a trans woman and I started the transitioning process very young--I fully pass as cis now, even if it doesn't feel like it all the time. I am only out to my family and a few close friends, and it's not something I can easily talk about when I'm not online and anonymous. I have also had top and bottom surgery (among other things), which is important to the situation.

I love my boyfriend so much. He started flirting with me in class, and we became close friends before we started dating. I had never been in a relationship before, and I was not only terrified of having one for the first time, but having to eventually come out to him as well. He and I would go places together and would cuddle a lot, but we kept things somewhat platonic.

This went on for a very, very long time before he finally asked me out on a date. Again, I made sure we moved slowly, and I really fell in love with him. He had never dated anyone either because he used to be very overweight and got bullied throughout high school.

I told him I was trans after he brought me back to his apartment for the first time (we didn't have sex). Not great timing. He freaked out and started screaming, and then I started crying (not a good reaction I know), and the whole thing was really a big mess.

It took awhile but we both cooled down, and he basically told me that he was in love with me and that he could never be as in love with anyone else as he is with me. I felt the same way about him and we decided to continue our relationship, but take all the sex stuff even slower.

His roommate ended up moving out, and I moved in with him. We're at the point where we've started discussing what marriage would be like, and we get into virtually no fights. He still can't have sex with me, though. I don't know if this is NSFW, but I don't have a penis. If you were to look at me naked, you would see a woman. To be honest, even though I get where he's coming from, his complete rejection of me sexually is really disheartening. I feel disgusting and unloveable. Although he says that I look beautiful and that he's very attracted to me, the knowledge of my transition makes it difficult for him to even get it up for me.

I'm okay with going at his pace. I'm in love with him and I can wait. I don't even have a high sex drive or anything, and I'd be fine if his stance was waiting until marriage. I just need to know that he loves me back.

Recently, we've both been quarantined and he's been online a lot. This girl that he used to know in high school hit him up, clearly flirting with him (even though he has pictures of me on his Instagram!!!) He told me immediately, but later admitted to me that he would like to have a no-strings-attached sexual relationship with this girl after the quarantine is up, until he feels comfortable with sex with me. I freaked out and basically told him to just break up with me instead of putting me through this, but he says that he's genuinely in love with me and he wants to have a life with me. He says that he's so bored with his life and I'm the only good thing he has going for him right now. Sometimes he makes comments about me being the only thing keeping him alive, and I'm starting to worry he might be depressed.

Anyway, he says he's worried that if he stays sexless in our relationship for too long, he might grow to resent me, so he'd like to relieve that sexual frustration somewhere, while still coming home and being in love and sharing emotions with me. I think this is crazy and incredibly disrespectful, but I also know that sex is an integral part of a relationship, and I'm so in love with him. He's implied that it would be selfish to continue to starve him of sex like this, and I'm not sure anymore--especially considering the fact that I know it was extremely unfair of me to wait to tell him that I was trans until after he fell in love with me. Is it selfish to not allow my boyfriend to have sex with a third party until he reconciles with the fact that I'm trans?

TL;DR: My boyfriend and I got to know each other for a long time. I'm a post-op trans woman and I told him before we had sex. He said he was in love with me after he freaked out and decided to stay with me, anyway. We live together and even though he still maintains that he is in love with me, he cannot have sex with me after knowing about my transition. He'd like to start hooking up with another girl to fulfill the sexual part of our relationship until he can reconcile with the fact that I'm trans. Is it selfish of me to not let him? Especially considering that I waited until he was in love with me to tell him I was trans?

Submitted March 23, 2020 at 04:41PM by notenoughthrowawayy https://ift.tt/33NIi9C