M and I have been dating for only six months but we both feel hard. Like suddenly realising that soulmates are real and become one of these couples that annoyed you hard. He frequently tells me that he never felt this way before and I am the woman he wants to marry. We (theoretically) talk about our wedding all the time - mostly he starts this. We both are normally more rational people as well and the way we quickly became serious about each other was not something any of us did before.
When I went back to his home country to meet his family it was ... a bit awkward. His mum has some mental health issues and somehow she projects herself on M and blames him for anything that triggers her mental health. Like she several times screamed at him while I was there - keeping in mind she only met me like four hours ago. His dad seems like an angle but also does whatever mum says and also easily blames M and supports mum in whatever fit she has. During my 2 day stay she probably put him down in front of me 5 times. I mostly didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to add to the drama and talked with M after. He acknowledged his mum being „burnt out“ and not herself but he didn’t fully acknowledge how crazy her behaviour was (on the last day we all wanted to leave to the airport at 10am and we left at 1pm almost missing our light because she couldn’t leave without cleaning the house completely- which was sterile clean before). They are also a very religious family, but he doesn’t really acknowledge that either, he sees it as a cultural thing around this area (small town, they go to church every Sunday, talk bad about people who don’t and when I stayed there M and I had to sleep in different bedrooms). His believes are very liberal so he doesn’t really connect that his family can be politically liberal but also religious and conservative.
He was meant to fly back home for a few days but bc of Whats going on these days his original flight got cancelled and he rescheduled a new one for last weekend. The week before he contemplated if he should stay with me in isolation (my country is locked-down) or go home and lockdown there. His mum and dad terror called him several times each day, telling him he should come home immediately and emotionally blackmailing him. I tried to stay neutral and said either decision is fine but truth is without him I would be all alone here and he knows that (this is not my home country either, and it would be very difficult for me to go home).
Last weekend he made the decision to go home. We both cried all day before he left to the airport. I could see that it was a tough decision for him. He argued that his mum is in a risk group (50+ and diabetic) and if they fall out (which he says they would if he stays with me) and she would die, he couldn’t not forgive himself.
Now that he left I feel...betrayed. I feel like he felt me alone during an upcoming 12 week Isolation to please his mum. All serious couples I know stayed together. And I’m scared that this is an example of how every tough future decision in our relationship will be: his mum vs me and I will lose.
On the other side I try to understand him. We don’t know each other that long and I could see how painful it was for him to leave me. He was a proper germophobe before this pandemic and his fears/ anxiety are really triggered. I told him I’m hurt that he left me alone and I am kinda scared and asked him to come back before 9.4. And he said he can’t commit to that and can only come when infections go down.
Even though I’m isolating alone I am completely fine - My first serious relationship was with a guy that had a board-line mum so I am a bit sensitive when it comes to manipulative MIL. I don’t know if I should be supportive of M’s needs right now or put my foot down and demand that he put some energy into our relationship as well?
TD;LR: my boyfriend left me back alone to isolate so he could isolate with his family bc his mum pressured him to and won’t commit to a date where he is coming back
Submitted March 28, 2020 at 04:58AM by imnotagamergirl https://ift.tt/3aqTYl8
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