Is it lying if I (30F) didn’t realize the information I was providing was incorrect? He (35M) thinks so and now can’t trust me. Duration 3 months

This is a new relationship, but we have been exclusive for about a month now. Prior to that we were spending a lot of time together but did not have the “what are we” talk. Of note: we both have a history of dating narcissists before we met. He was cheated on and gaslight about it; I dated a controlling guy who did not respect my privacy or boundaries.

He has come to me with concerns over inconsistencies in things I said a month or two ago versus things I’m saying now or things he’s observed now. For example, I take prescribed medication for ADD. when we originally spoke, I told him I took it as needed, maybe a few times a month. He sat me down a few weeks ago and said he’s noticed the pill bottle moving a lot and thinks I have a dependency or was lying about the frequency of my use. I was surprised and said I guess I was taking it more than I realized (but never more than prescribed). He has described this as a lie I’ve told when it comes up in conversation.

Another example is a guy who lives in my apartment complex. I see him around every once in awhile. He and I had a brief fling. We came to agree that we don’t work romantically and there is no attraction for me anymore, but we exchange memes and brief conversation occasionally. I don’t remember telling BF about this guy, but he says I said “oh yeah, that’s Apartment Guy, i see him around every once in awhile.” When BF found out I had exchanged texts with him a few times while BF and I had been dating, he said I’d lied about my relationship with him. That I was downplaying how much I was talking to him. There are more examples, but you get the gist.

He’s making me feel a little crazy - I wasn’t trying to hide anything; these weren’t explicit texts, and I have no romantic feelings toward him. I said if me not texting Apartment Guy a boundary he wanted to establish, I would respect that, but he says he wants me to want to not text him. He doesn’t want to tell me I can’t.

He says I am making him feel crazy for lying by means of downplaying things, omitting information, etc. NONE of this is intentional on my part. I’ve been very open with him, but he still doesn’t trust me and has asked me to do “truth checks” like going through text conversations with men with him over my shoulder. This practice feels icky to me. He says he hopes it will help him to trust me more after I’ve lied to him.

I need a reality check here - do I go back to my therapist to address why I’m “lying” or do I stand up to BF and tell him he needs to take me at my word or GTFO?

TLDR: BF says he can’t trust me because I have lied (underplayed relationships, omitted info) to him about things; from my perspective these things are unintentional and not malicious. Im willing to draw boundaries based on his requests but he doesn’t want to tell me what to do. Am I crazy or is he?

Submitted March 27, 2020 at 04:14PM by noidonthaveaproblem https://ift.tt/3atNdyU