I (F22) told my mom (F57) that I was abused by her nephew (14 at the time) when I was 9. It was not an easy conversation and I suspected she knew he took interest in me at that age so I asked her. She said “what? Like I forced you to open your legs?” And that I willingly went with him, and created this whole narrative that I “liked him” which honestly is still making me sick to my stomach.
I was 9, I didn’t know better, I didn’t understand what was going on. I was so confused and scared, but I didn’t say no and now it’s fucking with my head. She said that I was victimizing myself and that it was my fault, that I should have known, that they taught you good touch bad touch in school, and that I wanted it so I have no one to hate but myself. I told her I didn’t understand what was going on and that I was confused and I didn’t say yes and she said that’s my fault and that she doesn’t believe me because I should have known. I had the education or whatever and so I have no one to blame but myself, I shouldn’t hate anyone because it’s my fault for being willing. WILLING. I kid you not, if I never heard her say those things out loud, I never would have believed that she believed that. I never would have believed it. I always kinda knew she knew and blamed me but now that I know, I don’t know what to do with this information. I don’t know if this is what I should believe about myself.
So she says it was my fault, and I told her I was a kid, and she told me no one forced me to open my legs, he didn’t force me he couldn’t have because he was just a kid. So what was I?
She said that I’m victimizing myself and she’s right I can’t get over it. I have never been able to get over it. But I don’t want to believe her I don’t I really don’t. I didn’t tell anyone until I was 21. It replayed in my head for over a decade I have never been able to get over this. Never. It killed me. I feel dead inside. I don’t know what to do or how to get over this. I’m just numb.
If anyone has advice on how to move past this, I’ll take it.
TL;dr my mom said my abuse is my problem and I don’t know how to cope.
Submitted March 30, 2020 at 02:12PM by ghawat21 https://ift.tt/2ymKsRR
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