So, just to preface this: I have a history of overthinking and self-sabotaging in relationships.
I met my current boyfriend about 8 months ago on bumble. I swiped right and started chatting with him. At the time, I felt I was probably on bumble before I was ready.. I had just gone no contact with my ex boyfriend of 5 years the day before I downloaded the app. But at the same time, I felt like the distraction could be good for me.
I had gone on dates with a couple of guys before I went on a date with my current boyfriend (we’ll call my boyfriend Paul)..as one does, when they’re on bumble. The first guy, I went on two dates with. First time went alright, but the second time I felt he was paying more attention to the game that was on at the bar than he was the trivia night that we were there to play together. We stopped talking after that date.
The second guy (we’ll call joe), I thought was really cute. We went on one date that went decently..though there were a few things even in that first date that I thought were odd..but I looked past them..cuz well, I wanted the distraction, and I thought he was cute.
After my first date with joe, I went on my first date with Paul. Again, it went decently, but I guess I wasn’t as physically attracted to him as I was with joe?
Went on another date with joe. He did a few more things that bugged me..but we ended our date with me asking if he wanted to go to a bingo night with me later that week. He said he was pretty busy with schoolwork but would get back to me in a few days to let me know.
During that time, I didn’t go on any other dates, but I did keep talking with other guys on bumble. I didn’t really start talking to Paul again until things fizzled out with some other guys.
Long story short, joe never got back to me. I never reminded him about the bingo night; I just asked Paul if he wanted to go instead. Paul said yes, we went..Paul met all my friends, and my friends told me they loved him.
Paul and I started talking and hanging out more and more after that. I never went out on any other dates with anyone else. Joe texted me about a month later, saying he was sorry he didn’t talk to me but felt he was too busy for a relationship. I just texted him there were no hard feelings.
Anyway, I grew to really really like Paul - he is in reality a much better match for me than joe..and I find Paul really adorable and sweet and cute and funny and like me in a lot of ways.
But I find myself every so often feeling so horribly guilty about how our relationship started - that he was a second choice? Did I do anything wrong? Is this something I should even be feeling bad about? I’m sure there are tons of relationships that start in a similar way, but those people don’t feel they did anything wrong and can just move on with their lives.
I want to move on with mine too, and just enjoy my relationship with this man I really, really like. Why can’t I just say to myself that things didn’t work out with anyone else, but they worked out with Paul? I think we are a really good match, and I truly do have feelings for him. Why should anything else matter?
Tl;dr: I feel horrible for how my relationship with my boyfriend started - that he was a second choice or something.. but did I really do anything wrong? Do I have anything to feel bad about, knowing how much I really like this man now and how things have worked out for us?
Submitted March 28, 2020 at 09:16AM by AgreeableBookkeeper1 https://ift.tt/33UtVQP
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