This is a recurring theme in my life since my first relationship when I was 16.
Here are my problems 1. I’m always finding excuses for emotionally abusive boyfriends.
3 years into our relationship, my first boyfriend of 5.5 years started monitoring my diet and daily workouts. After I lost some weight (mind you, I wasn’t even overweight), he went on and on about how much more he loved me, and how he used to be so upset when he’d see super hot girls and I “wasn’t like them”. It took me 2 years to realise how toxic that was, because I was constantly telling myself that his rules were for my own good (health etc). I ended up being really self-critical, to the point where I barely recognised myself.
- I’m constantly (happily) accepting all the flaws of the guy I’m dating, even when it’s a suuuuuper new relationship. This is even when he’d nitpick on mine.
Most recent example was a guy (28M) who lamented over how my waist isn’t as small as the other girls he’d dated (claimed he was “spoilt” by their bodies). Over time he decided that he was okay with my body, and because of that he didn’t see a reason why I needed to be upset. This was 1 month into seeing each other. My point to him was - if you know your type and I’m not it, then why bother? It’s not like I gained any weight since our first date, so he knew what he was getting himself into. I knew the situation was messed up but I continued seeing him anyway.
We eventually ended things earlier this week because of other irreconcilable differences, though not before he brought up how he had an issue with my sometimes “intense feels”. I’m a very expressive person, easily excitable - I laugh really loud sometimes and my friends have described me as fun loving. But to him, my “physical movements and sounds” were a problem. 🤷🏻♀️
- I’m always trying to understand their POV when they’re crappy (like above), and always try to justify myself (not in a desperate or aggressive manner) in hopes they’d understand and accept me. And I think that’s the most toxic thing I could possibly do to myself, which had me realise maybe I just don’t love myself enough.
So I guess my question is - how do I avoid this happening again? How do I put myself first, when in a relationship? I’m tired of overextending myself and over investing, and feeling this constant want and need to be loved by someone else. It’s honestly so draining.
The funny thing is - to everyone else I’m confident, outspoken, ballsy... I suppose a large part of myself is that way, but the little girl inside me still yearns to be loved.
TLDR; I’m always accepting too much crap from my partners, often putting myself down as a result. What should I do?
Submitted March 27, 2020 at 05:56PM by livmahc https://ift.tt/3aq17lF
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