Hi everyone, I hope everyone is well, I'm looking for a bit of advice regarding housemates.
TL;DR: in lock down with 2 house mates and now one of their brothers who have no respect for me
Background: I (F24) recently left my ex of 7 years and moved in with 2 housemates (no contact as landlord is a friend of a friend) Ben and Cian (M22/23 and names changed) who have lived in this house since October, I've always been very submissive and passive natured but was hoping to try and gain some confidence and self love in my new life and maybe even gain friends from my housemates.
So I moved in 2 weeks ago to my new house, the first week i was very nervous as I've never met the guys before but managed to get to talk to them a bit, start a routine and learn how to relax and gain a few hobbies like yoga and reading until the lock down hit on my 2nd week here. Cian told me (didn't ask) that his brother Matt (M15) would stay with us through the lock down as from what I can gather from over heard convosations their dad isn't a nice guy so he's been living with us this past week until I assume lock down ends. I can understand their situation as I had a similar upbringing (hence my nature) but I'm really struggling to cope with my own mental health and the break up with along with these problems:
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Matt and Cian are awake at 10am - 1am, though that time they always are in the living room play on the PlayStation constantly screaming/shouting and when they eat they both play music/videos on full while talking in the dining room. This means when I'm asleep I get woken up as even with my bedroom door shut I can still hear them the floor below and they can even be heard from the 3rd floor, it also means I never get any quiet time as i enjoy a cup of tea and breakfast while listening to the outside and looking into the garden and i cant even consetrate to read or relax when I do yoga. Both me and Ben have now resorted to locking ourselves up in our bedrooms to have some space but Ben now walks around with headphones in so I don't even get to talk to him as when we tried we couldnt hear eachother over the screaming/shouting.
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I end up doing their pots and kitchen cleaning, i have to hand wash and put away 2 loads a day as if I don't Cian gets Matt to 'wash up' where he just dunks the pots in soapy water then puts them on top of the clean pots so they all end up dirty, Ben atleast washes his own and cleans up his mess but the brothers also make a mess of the kitchen by spilling food everywhere (allover the counter, washing machine, cookers and cupboards) which they never clean. I ended up saying that I love cleaning (which I do but not to this extent) just to make sure we have clean pots so they didn't put away dirty pots to which Matt replied "your like a live in maid, like a Consuela" (Family Guy reference) I just awkwardly laughed it off as I didn't know what to say.
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They have started to eat my food, when I moved I told them they could have "some" of my food if they needed, Cian has since eaten half a loaf of my bread as he couldnt be arsed to go out for more of his until after he has eaten mine (literally finished the toast then went to the shops), has eaten 1/2 my broccoli and all of his so now we have none, a box of vegan sausages (they are vegan but I wanted to try some) and I made a communal flapjack (baking helps me relax) which I had 2 small piece as did Ben and the rest was eaten a by the end of the day by Cian and Matt.
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And today the final straw, I noticed a blatant lack of respect they have for me. I asked them to bring in their dirty pots from the living room (1st wash) and they ignored me later on when Cian was cooking I told him I was cooking after so he finished and they sat down to eat while I cooked, after they had done and I had finished cooking they stayed at the table and watched videos full blast, I stood and waited for them to move to which they just ignored me and I ended up having to eat my food on the dinning room settie until I finished and they then decided to move. On the 2nd wash I went in to grab the dirty pots from the living room they had left on the table all day, Cian looked up from his phone watched me grab the pots then when back on his video without even a thanks.
I have no where else to go but my Exs, I am currently at a point where I'm crying every few hours and I am turning nocturnal (sleeping at 5/6am) just to be in silence, I'm struggling so much with the break up and the sudden the lack of human contact as I only have 1 friend and my ex that I've had to fall on to get a bit of comfort but i need to actually talk to people in person which i now have no chance apart from the occasional hello, I honestly would just be content with hug or a head pat at this point. I only come out my room to eat and have started to skip breakfast and stay in bed for hours just so I don't have to listen to them at full volume. I feel so lonely, I'm in a house of strangers, I just want a bit of solice, even if it's just half an hour of silence in the morning for my breakfast, my mental state is deteriorating fast and I'm finding it hard to not self harm again (5 years clean) but have ended up starting to chew the skin off my lips out of stress (It's my version of biting my nails) and now have a constant stress headache. I know I need to be understanding but i also need to be assertive but I have no idea where to start. If I for example stopped washing the pots except my own it means that all the pots except mine would be dirty so both Ben and guests (when lock down finishes) will use them and I would have to find storage in my tiny room and if I was to put my food in my room I can't store frozen and chilled foods as I can't afford/fit in a fridge/freezer of my own.
Any advice would be highly appreciated though as I'm desperate for help.
Submitted March 29, 2020 at 09:30PM by MerbenMerkin https://ift.tt/33XcbnH
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