First off, I love him very much, but he is very set in his ways and prone to getting in ruts and being complacent about it.
We've been together for 4 years. He is endearingly nerdy, kind of socially awkward, and often oblivious to a lot of things. He sometimes won't do thoughtful things for me unless he's prompted, which makes me feel a little taken for granted when I do little things for him a lot without being asked.
The issue is that over four years he has increasingly not cared about his health or how he presents himself to me.
He never exercises, has put on more than 40 pounds over the last few years, eats junk food all the time, eats everything very fast and noisily on the couch or the floor while watching videos on his computer, and avoids using silverware when he can. I have to constantly ask him to chew with his mouth closed or eat slower and he tries, but it's so habitual for him at this point that it's not instinctive to have better table manners.
He also farts and burps often, picks his nose in front of me, and monopolizes the couch to watch endless YouTube videos of video game streamers or play video games himself. He is constantly on social media and chatting with friends all day.
We are hardly intimate anymore and when we are, it's over very quickly and it's the same rote, increasingly unsexy routine every time.
When I tell him about problems I'm having, he responds immediately with "I'm sorry" in a robotic tone every time, which makes me feel like he's being sort of dismissive, or that he's not really listening or thinking of anything more thoughtful to say.
He also very hardly wants to do anything with me. I can give this some more leeway because we do have very different interests. I'm into exercising, photography, eating and preparing more nutritious foods and getting out and experiencing new things on any given day. He has never exercised with me, has no interest in photography, and the kind of food he prepares is what I'm not comfortable eating. He sort of has to be cajoled into going somewhere new and every time we're out I worry that he's not having a good time, which I know is something I'm not responsible for.
We've gone to several couples therapy sessions and he is attentive to my needs there and I can tell he is concerned about wanting to do better, but I think he fundamentally lacks self-awareness in our relationship and doesn't really always think about how what he says and does lands with me.
I'm sure many of you are wondering at this point why I'm with him. I do love him deeply. He cares for me in a way that no one else has and is loving and generous. He always has good intentions and is honest. Everyone can tell he is heads over heels for me. He has a good heart and is professionally motivated. He is a good friend to everyone and has a really gentle, giving soul.
But simply put, it seems like he has let himself go in a lot of respects and I feel myself not being attracted to him anymore. I once found him really, deeply attractive, but I can't remember the last time I felt that way. I know I should bring this up with him but I feel like it's such a difficult topic to broach and I don't want him to feel judged or unloved. He tells me every day, multiple times a day, that he loves me and finds me beautiful, which makes me feel even more guilty about not being more drawn to him. Being attracted to each other should be reciprocal.
I would sacrifice myself for him if I had to. I just want him to take better care of himself and I don't know how to address this without coming off like a nag or his mother. He has to have the motivation to want to better himself with his health and presentation to others and I don't know if he'll ever reach that point. I can't force him to exercise or eat healthier, and I wouldn't want to even if I could. He is a grown man and I am not his caretaker, nor do I want to be.
Sometimes I think about leaving this relationship and going to be with someone who has interests more in line with mine, but I know shared interests alone aren't good enough to forge a successful relationship. Interests can change and how I perceive someone isn't necessarily who they are. I know I have a lot of good things with my boyfriend but I feel like there are ways that he needs to tune himself up so we can really make the most of our relationship.
TL;DR: I feel like my boyfriend has let himself go and it's unattractive to me.
Submitted March 28, 2020 at 11:50AM by amoeba-amoebo https://ift.tt/33RTZMg
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