My bf decided to participate in a program at work and developed a crush on the coordinator of this program (side note, he didn’t join the program because of her, they met for the first time when all participants had an introductory meeting). When he first saw her, he thought she was attractive, but thought nothing more. Because this program only occurred once a month, she contacted participants via email only every so often.
Here's the timeline of events:
Late Nov/early Dec: He developed the crush around this time because this was when the program started and he spoke with her more often. They became more friendly with each other, and he was careful to say he didn’t have a gf (she asked why he moved to the state we live in, and he said it was for work, when it was actually for me).
12/26: He randomly ran into her at work and had a very brief exchange, but was worried if he acted nervous or said something stupid.
NYE: We spent this together and discussed our timeline for getting engaged. We honestly had a bumpy road with this topic during the later half of 2019, but finally decided to get engaged toward the end of summer 2020.
1/2: He randomly ran into her at work again and told his friend he changed his mind about proposing to me simply because he saw her.
1/8: He didn’t see her in person that week, but they talked over work chat that day. One thing they discussed was their love of sushi (note that I hate sushi) and her joking that he should take her to a nice sushi place.
1/10: She asked him and some others to get sushi for lunch. Others bailed, so it ended up just being them two. One thing they bonded over was their love of video games (note that I hate them). At the end of the meal, his intentions were to pay, but she grabbed the check before he could, so he apologized and made it clear to her that he wanted to pay.
1/17-1/26: He took work off to visit his grandparents, so no contact with her.
1/28: He asked if she wanted to get lunch, but she said she was busy.
2/10: She texted him for the first time on his personal phone to ask if he wanted to play a video game with him, and he accepted.
2/12, 2/13, 2/19: They talked over work chat. (He told me they rarely talked over work chat at the beginning, but later on about twice a week.)
He also asked her to get açaĂ bowls during work twice during this timeline (don’t know exactly when), but both times she said she couldn’t.
This crush went on for about 2.5 months, all the while lying to me and hiding things so I wouldn’t find out. He said he did this because I'd told him earlier in our relationship that if he had a crush, I’d end the relationship, and he was “scared to throw that away just because I developed feelings for someone else.” If I’d never found out, though, who knows how long this would’ve gone on - he said he would’ve decided which one of us to pick about 2 weeks after I found out (like… I’m not on The fucking Bachelor).
He said his reasons for the crush were that he was unhappier with our relationship lately, we were fighting more often, she was very similar to him (eg. love of video games and sushi), and she made him feel good about himself (eg. they’d flirt, she’d laugh at his jokes more than I would, she was known as the "hot" one at work so it was an ego boost for him). He also had the grass is greener mentality (“out of all the people in the world you’re never gonna be with a perfect match, there might always be someone better for you”), but didn’t know if it’d be worth throwing away our relationship to see if that were true.
TL;DR: My bf of 5 years developed a crush on his coworker and consciously deceived/hid things from me during that time - did he emotionally cheat?
Submitted March 27, 2020 at 06:35PM by feisty_mind https://ift.tt/2UHfc7J
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