My [23f] overweight boyfriend [24m] is EXTREMELY sensitive about his weight and I don't know how to help him

My boyfriend is overweight and insecure. He is about 5'11 and 100kg, down from 115 at his biggest. He has been around this weight for 7 months but is struggling to lower it.

He has problems with drinking and drugs which complicates things.

My boyfriend's body doesn't bother me in any way but he is very insecure. I think he looks nice, yes he is overweight but he has lost quite a bit and maintained it. He doesn't eat badly most of the time, but he does drink too much which definitely inhibits his weight loss. He has short periods where he eats super healthily and doesn't drink, but when he's drinking he will stop eating for days at a time then binge eat on lots of unhealthy food.

He barely lets me touch him. We live together and I haven't seen him without a shirt in like 14 months. He wears a shirt to bed, during sex and changes in the bathroom when he gets up in the morning.

I try to help him, I cook him low calorie food and encourage him to go out for a walk with me. He says stuff like "oh you think I'm fat" and I'll say "no, but I think you would be happier if you lost weight." He takes this to mean i find him disgusting.

One time I called him "chubby" and he refused to have sex with me the next few days. Another time i sort of moved his stomach out of the way so I could undo his belt and he just backed off completely and wouldn't tell me what was wrong. He didn't eat for literally a week after that.

I know he is particularly hurt by his weight because he used to be thin and fit. He has a lot of shame and hatred for himself. He struggles a lot with drugs because he doesn't enjoy life and has no motivation to keep living (his words when depressed). He seems to have motivation that comes in bursts then stops.

He also throws up his food a lot, especially after anyone comments on his weight or he sees himself in the mirror. I had to force that confession out of him, he had been denying it for weeks. I'm not sure why he does this. I try and get him to stop but he just says he does it after binge eating. One time while drunk and on xanax he ate frozen macaroni cheese straight out of the freezer then made himself sick after.

I think he has some disordered eating, but he denies it because he's fat, though he kind of admitted the purging was a problem. He said it is way less harmful than eating the food though.

When he is hurt or upset he tends to take it out on himself, either by overdosing on drugs (he often takes very high doses of codeine and ketamine) or self harming etc. He is in therapy for this but it can be draining to deal with. He has reduced his drug consumption a lot and will hopefully find it harder now we're in lockdown.

How can I help him without hurting his feelings? We are in isolation together the next few weeks. I want to make sure he's happy and healthy. He keeps talking about wanting to lose weight, I'm considering buying him a scale but i don't want him to take it the wrong way and get sad. Should I ask him to come for walks with me?

Tldr; boyfriend is extremely sensitive about his weight and has problems with drinking too much. He also has unusual (disordered?) eating patterns. I want to help him lose weight and be more confident but I don't know how

Submitted March 23, 2020 at 03:59PM by Rght9 https://ift.tt/3ai9n72