Hello!
I live in a house with B(19) and G(22). We are all college students. B and G are sisters and lived in the house before me, I moved in in may for for the most part have really enjoyed living here.
One struggle that I have had recently is B's boyfriend, who she has been dating for about a year- he lives out of state and so for the whole summer he lived back at home. He visited a few times over the summer, and it was usually for entire weeks. A few ties he would just randomly show up. Now that he has moved back to school (he lives in a dorm on campus) he has been visiting NONSTOP. It feels like he's over almost every night.
My landlady mentioned to me that we are only allowed to have 3 people live in our house, and so last semester she had to speak with B because boyfriend's car was in our lot so often. To get around this, B simply picks boyfriend up from campus and brings him over so that the landlady doesn't notice that he's here.
The kicker is the sex. I am a person who is wildly uncomfortable with hearing other people have sex. I don't want to be near it, I don't want to hear it, don't tell me about it. I know that this is a normal part of having roommates and that this is something that I personally need to work on, especially as I am sexually active with my own boyfriend, but I also think that B is taking things a little too far. I was cooking dinner for myself in the kitchen once and she and boyfriend were in the living room (they are connected and it is an open concept house). I heard some rustling with them on the couch and heard the boyfriend say some things and could tell that she was performing an act on him. With me about 15 feet away just trying to cook my damn dinner. I froze and couldn't say anything. After a few minutes, I heard him tell her to get condoms, and so they quickly left to the store to grab some. That was my cue to run upstairs and smoke so much weed that I fell asleep quickly before they even got home.
She and boyfriend don't close the door to her bedroom ever, regardless of who is and isn't home (I have walked upstairs after coming home from class to meeting eyes with the two of them covered in a thin sheet with the door wide open twice now.) I thought that by maybe making a bit of sound (walking around in my room, opening and closing doors loudly, keeping my own door open and playing low music, etc,) and letting them know that I was home and aware that they were there that they might try to be a bit more respectful, as I thought maybe they simply didn't know I was home and wanted to give them the benefit of the doubt.
I'm thinking that this isn't the case, as I've been at home for hours and I've been hearing her moan from the open bedroom door for about 20 minutes now. She ran out a few minutes ago to grab what I assume is condoms, as she came back very quickly and the noise ensued.
I'm really stuck. My anxiety around sex is really getting to me, and I also know that people are incredibly sensitive about their personal relationships. I don't want to make her angry and have her be rude to me, as I've had roommates like that before with other issues and it is absolute HELL. I also am struggling in my own relationship- my boyfriend is out of college and works a full time job. We don't spend nearly as much time as they do together, and we barely ever have sex (this is an issue that my boyfriend and I are actively trying to work on). I am trying to differentiate between my own jealousy of their relationship, as well as what boundaries are actually fair for the house. Do I just text the landlady and have her go at B for having boyfriend over? Or is that petty? Do I force myself to say something, and when should I? How can I communicate with her without her pointing fingers at me because she knows my boyfriend and I aren't together much, and that this upsets me?
I'm feeling really stuck, and I know a lot of it is just my social anxiety and fear of conflict. I think I just need someone to give me the facts straight, and then I can move from there. Any words of advice or encouragement you have would be amazing :)
I know that I will be absolutely be suggesting to her that when the lease renews that she considers moving in with her boyfriend. I will do this much later though, at a time that feels right.
TLDR: My roommate is having her boyfriend over a lot and they have a lot of sex. This makes me uncomfortable and I want for there to be change, but I'm not sure how to approach it while avoiding hurt feelings.
Submitted September 26, 2022 at 12:40PM by Nymyane_Aqua https://ift.tt/0iTagEb
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