I 33/F and my fiancé 36m. He is high 90% of the time and I feel alone.

I 33/F and my fiancé 36m. He is high 90% of the time and I feel alone.

This started months ago. We’ve been together for 3 years and it wasn’t something that was an issue or even talked about for the first 2 and a half. I tried on of those delta 8 gummies and didn’t like it but he loved it and has been on a downward slope since then. It started with a few nights. Then every night. Then all day including work. Then he decided he didn’t want to do it at work so it was just every day as soon as he got home. I told him that I didn’t want to live like that. To be with someone who was high literally all the time that I was with them.

He said he had a problem and didn’t want it either but that he can’t help himself. I told him I would help him and be with him and never leave him as long as he was trying.

Then he just started doing it more behind my back. You can’t buy them where we live, so he would wait until I was out of town to go and not tell me.

He specifically told me several times that he wasn’t going to. Then as soon as I wasn’t there he did. I can’t even explain how that makes me feel. I felt like a burden that stood in the way of what he really wanted.

I told him that I didn’t think I was the one for him if this is how he wanted his life to be. If he wanted to be high all the time. He said that he didn’t want to be that way. That he couldn’t control himself and needed help. So he had me start keeping the gummies and he would ask me. But that felt awful. It lasted one day and I gave them back because I knew that he would just wait until I was gone to buy some back up secret ones. He told me specifically that he wouldn’t. But I found out later that he had.

This happened several times and I just have no trust left for him. It feels so awful because he’s always been so honest with me.

He stopped taking them for a few days and threw everything away. He didn’t tell me why and I didn’t want to make a big deal of it so I left it alone and was just happy about it. Then he got really really depressed. Catatonic like depressed. And told me he was going to go buy more. I think in that moment I knew he wouldn’t be able to stop.

Then it was back to every night. I couldn’t take it anymore. The dishonesty, the feeling like I was alone, the missing the man I fell in love with. I was so angry and sad. I had planned to tell him how tired of him lying to me I was. How I was done with this if these things are more important to him that I am and than being honest with me is. But I broke down and cried and just told him how much I missed him and how alone I feel and how I love him but don’t know how to help him. I told him several times that I just missed him. That it didn’t feel like he was there with me anymore. He said he didn’t want to be that way and asked me what I wanted to do that night. He was sober that night. But that was the only one.

I was so upset and begging him to just be with me…and he gave me one night. One. I just don’t know how to take this. I feel like a parent trying to keep a kid from doing something but I’m his partner. I don’t want to feel like I’m between him and something he wants. I don’t know what to do. I don’t think he can or wants to help himself and I feel like if I keep saying something that he will just hide it from me again.

Tl;dr: fiancé of 3 years high all the time even when I tell him that I miss him and just want him to be with me as himself sometimes. I don’t know what to do.

Submitted September 24, 2022 at 07:49AM by helpimsadaboutthis https://ift.tt/WjDKE2T