TLDR: I love her, but is it romantic? Is it ok to settle if you’re settling for a good person?
My GF (36f) is a wonderful person but I’m (45m) just not excited about getting married.
We met during at the start of Covid, and as a result we became exclusive really fast, and spent 5-6 nights a week together from the get-go. There were some problems at the beginning, like we didn’t have amazing conversations. Since dating others didn’t feel like an option due to Covid, we’d get stoned, cuddle and watch a movie, and then have great sex. We played a few video games together. It was really nice. She’s reliable. She’s honest. She loves me and is a good partner. I don’t find her super charismatic or fun, though. She wakes up with physical complaints (headaches, allergies, etc), and then comes home and complains about work. I also feel like she got a little too comfortable. She doesn’t wear make up, dye her hair, or even dress well anymore. She’s gained weight. I look at her and don’t think she’s that pretty anymore, which bums me out, but our sex life is still pretty good although if we ditched the weed things might suffer.
For my own part, I’m no walk in the park. I have ADHD and fail to get basic shit done, am messy, though I do support myself and have savings etc.
Anyway, we moved in together, have decided we want to have a baby, but now I’m having doubts. Part of me is like dude, you’re 46, she’s a good woman, are you really going to blow up your lives by ending things? Can you not try to be more grateful for her good qualities? Is it your ADHD that causes you to zone out when she complains about work? Part of me remembers past relationships where we would cry with laughter and have passionate conversations and looked forward to hanging out. Part of me remembers all the years of being single where I’d be kinda lonely and swiping on tinder to fill that void. Part of me thinks marriage should be a fuck yes, and it’s not, but we already live together so I mean it wouldn’t change anything. The idea of getting on my knee and declaring my undying love forever…. is perhaps not something that will happen for me.
I love her because she’s a good person and has a good heart. I want her to be happy. When she was feeling anxious watching TV (she is an anxious person) I told her I would hold her and when I did I felt a real warmth and affection and desire to make her safe. That feeling is love, but is it romantic love? I’m confused.
I think that if I were 25 ending things might be the way to go. At 46, maybe it’s time to just count my blessings.
Submitted September 23, 2022 at 08:15PM by logdogday https://ift.tt/ZD7CRUO
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