A few days ago I (23f) called off my wedding that was planned for late next year (2023), because I caught my fiancé (28m) lying to me about where he was and having his female co-worker's messages muted. For context, we've been together for over 3 years and had a rocky relationship these last few months. Over the summer, I ended things because he tried hiding something from me that I caught him doing. He also got really angry during one of our conversations about the situation and lashed out by tossing clothing hampers around our bedroom while I was working from home. Those are the major instances that caused me to take a step back. The morning after though, I took it back and made it clear that was still willing to put in work for our relationship.
Fast forward a couple months and he starts a new job (he is a teacher so new site and grade), one that is so much better for him than his last. He's less stressed and super happy, which makes me happy. Well, after settling in he starts talking about his coworkers. There is one in particular that stands out to me by the way he describes her. She sounds really cool and I'm happy that he's getting to work with such a great team. He starts getting up really early to go on walks in the morning and then leaving early to get to work. I find out this is partially so he can "beat" her to work, as friendly competition. A little weird but fine. He also started staying hours later than he use to. I chalk this up to the start of a new job, getting into the groove of things, and not hating where he works so he enjoys being there. But I'm still missing him a lot and trying to coordinate when he will be home for dinner. He stops calling as much on his way home and I'm getting weird vibes. He brings her up one day and I make a comment like "oh, should I be jealous?" which he brushes off. A couple weeks go by and he mentions staying after school for different sporting games to support the students.
Last week he said he got invited to an out of town game and wouldn't be home until fairly late. To sum it up, the day of-he called several times to tell me he either couldn't find it, was trying again to find it, that he was just going back to work to grab something he left, or on his way and picking up dinner (an hour and a half later). All of it gave me a bad feeling but I found out he lied when I went through his messages a couple days later. That's when I noticed that he did in fact attend the game and he had asked the female coworker for directions before letting her know he was on his way. I confronted him and he admitted lying and hiding messages but swore he wasn't cheating on me. He said his behavior was because he just wanted a friend and was afraid that after our last fight that almost ended things, he thought I would get jealous and freak out. I want to believe that is the truth and that he hasn't developed something more but I just can't be sure right now.
Aside from these instances we have had a wonderful relationship in any other ways you can imagine, but I don't want to be in a marriage where my partner can't be honest and respect me enough to talk to me about a situation like this. We are still living together and may be doing so until our lease is up next year. Despite me calling off the wedding, he says he's still hoping he can show me that this will never happen again.
TL;DR : my fiancĂ© withheld information about a relationship he's developing with a coworker and intentionally lied about where he was and who he was with. He has also tried lying to me about some of his activity on his phone before. I can’t confirm infidelity but that’s almost not the point. I really want to know, if I decide to continue our relationship, what can I do to build trust with him again? I'm mourning a marriage that hasn't even started. Please help.
Submitted September 27, 2022 at 10:25PM by NaiveKitten https://ift.tt/UvkSimw
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