(One key background piece: my partner and I are not married....we've been together for 5 years but he has not had any relationship with my parents because he's always been paranoid about meeting his partner's parents since a bad experience with someone years ago....it annoyed me but that was how it was....so he doesn't share my grief as he barely even knew them)
My dad passed away unexpectedly 18 months ago. I was close to my dad, but for some reason I handled it well. Dad looked after mom (she had a progressive illness) and my parents lived 2 hours away from me and I work remotely, so I started staying with my mom through the week.
The year+ I was following this routine was difficult (so much driving) and emotionally draining watching mom get sicker. My partner wasn't overly supportive....he didn't seem to fully understand how tired I was and still expected our lives to be status quo on the weekends. He got annoyed that I couldn't go away to the cottage this summer. He wanted me to plan fun things for the weekend (that never happened...I didn't have it in me) and kept telling me that I needed to have fun, but he didn't understand when I told him that all I could muster up was going out for dinner at the most. That led to a lot of issues between us and resentment on both sides I guess.
I knew my mom was going to die, and she did 6 weeks ago. And again, at first I was completely ok. In fact maybe a bit relieved since she was no longer suffering and I no longer would have to live there through the week (and I always felt lonely and anxious there because I was responsible for looking after her, which was becoming progressively more difficult....and well-meaning relatives would call here and there but overall nobody was really there for us so it was pretty lonely).
Then there was a flurry of busyness. Trying to tie up the estate (apparently a long work-in-progress). Family stopping by etc. Having dinners with family, reminiscing, etc.
And now it's been 6 weeks. My partner was again semi-supportive through this, but definitely added a lot more stress to me that did not need to be there. Since the house is 2 hours away and he's working long hours, he was never there with me and seemed to have no clue what all is involved in this type of situation, but kept adding stress for me over minor things.
So it's been over a month. And my partner thinks everything should now be back to normal, and to be fair for several weeks I HAVE been back to normal. Then suddenly last week I have been crushed with GRIEF. Grief that I haven't felt all along. And it's suddenly here. Now I was supposed to go back to work today (I had several weeks off) and I couldn't. In fact I can't imagine how I'm going to be able to any time soon and I'm not sure what to do about that. I haven't even been able to get out of bed other than to stand in the shower and cry. For some reason I just feel so so so incredibly alone. Both of my parents are gone, I feel I have no home base anymore. I have my partner but he clearly doesn't get it at all (both his parents are still alive) and just the knowledge that nobody will ever again love me so unconditionally is hitting me hard.
My partner is sort of distant when I am feeling grief. Once when my mom was really sick I had to take her to the hospital and he got mad at me (over a ridiculous misunderstanding) and basically didn't even speak to me for a whole day. So I was just there with my mom at the hospital and he wasn't even speaking to me. It was pretty stressful and lonely.
Is this something I need to "do" something about? Or should I just figure out how to process this grief and get past it and see my partner for what he can offer instead of feeling disappointed that he hasn't done anything to help me? I guess this is what therapy is for, but I don't know if I should suggest couple's therapy or at this point if it really doesn't even matter and I should just go to grief therapy for myself?
tldr: I seem to be experiencing delayed grief after the death of my parents and my partner thinks I should be over it all.
Submitted September 19, 2022 at 05:42PM by Additional-Doubt594 https://ift.tt/8t5Orkf
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