Husband (50m) gets upset when I (30f) suggest, talk about or get excited about anything I find interest in.

My husband has a tendency to assume that I'm trying to be hyper-intelligent / pretentious when I introduce him to my personal interests.

I enjoy films, reading, gardening, astronomy, brunch dates, British humor, theatre, alternative music, philosophy and engaging conversations about everything under the sun. This has always formed part of my identity.

We own one television set, which he controls everyday watching YouTube videos (mainly documentaries, travel vlogs and live news). Most of the time, I sit alone in the guest bedroom watching movies / series and reading, he generally isn't bothered about my interests or what I do in my spare time. Sometimes, he'll invite me to join him and watch something I like with him, and when I do, he either mentally shuts down, sleeps or works on his laptop.

Last night, I excitedly suggested we watch 'Uncut Gems'. I've been meaning to watch it for ages and opened the floor to watch it with him. He agreed, but his behavior dramatically switched as soon as he could gauge how excited I was to watch it.

As I was explaining the film concept, he started scrolling through social media on his phone, throwing in sarcastic 'mms' and 'aahs', gesturing with boredom and facing his head downward. I switched the movie on and noticed how detached and disinterested he was through the first quarter of the film.

Because I didn't want him to watch something he didn't enjoy, I paused the movie and asked him if something was wrong or if he was finding the movie difficult to engage with. I calmly let him know that I had no problem disconnecting my laptop and watching the movie with headphones, and that he could watch YouTube on the main television.

He yelled that he was watching the movie, that the movie isn't so difficult and unique to understand; it's not 'complex or deep' and he doesn't need to watch movies in awe and excitement like I do.

I reiterated that I suggested the movie because I thought it could be a movie we enjoy together, not because I think I'm deep, unique or bullying him to engage.

He yelled again, telling me he doesn't need to listen or watch movies in the manner I do (the correct words were "I don't have to sit and watch the movie like a stooge") and I should turn the movie back on and think about my "weird behavior". He also told me that I could potentially traumatize / damage my future children if this is how I act whenever we watch a movie, we don't have kids.

I kept quiet and disconnected the movie. No less than 5 minutes after the argument, he started playing his YouTube videos and apologizing at surface level, he always does.

To get my husband to engage in anything I enjoy or find interest in is an extreme sport, I sometimes have to buy him snacks, beg him to put his phone away or commit myself to something (like going out of my way to make him happy) in return for some quality time.

Was I wrong and how do I handle this in future? Are we not compatible?

TL:DR; Husband gets upset when I suggest / talk about / get excited about anything I find interest in. In this instance he got upset over me suggesting a movie.

Submitted September 29, 2022 at 01:10AM by HunnibeeHunnibee https://ift.tt/I5OmGtr