My girlfriend had been in a six year relationship, until her ex cheated with a coworker around October of last year. Her life was in shambles, she had to move across the country, but according to her she was lucky to have a strong network of friends that helped her move on relatively fast. Apparently, the ex was also very toxic in general as well.
As for us, we met in late March, so we’ve been together for about 6 months now. I understand she barely had any time to heal before starting to date again (around 4 months), but trust me that I know her feelings of love towards me are 100% real, and according to her own words, our relationship isn’t a rebound whatsoever.
However, throughout the relationship she’s been comparing me to her ex in a very positive way (he didn’t do this for me, he would yell at me and you don’t, I feel safe with you and I never really did with him, etc). I appreciate the sentiment, she’s probably trying to process what a healthy relationship is like when she’s been stuck in a toxic one for most of her adult life, but it does get frustrating to hear her talk about him.
She says that the only feelings left for him in her system are pure anger and rage, she would never ever get back together with him. I believe her, but she’s also confessed that every now and then she thinks of him, gets angry, checks his social media to see “how much of a loser he still is”, and then feels guilty for doing so, given that she’s now in a relationship with me. I wanted to understand her and make her feel comfortable sharing her feelings and emotions with me, so we could get through this together, but it’s always demoralizing when I get a message from her saying she’s spiraling and thinking of him again. I think feeling anger against an ex is the worst thing you can feel. Indifference is the way to go, but the journey to get there is hard.
I want to help her, and I know breakups are extremely hard on anybody, but I’m afraid that she’ll keep doing this for quite a while.
I don’t want to break up with her, and I know she doesn’t want to break up with me either. I fully believe she truly loves me. What would be the best way to handle this issue? There’s a limit as to how accommodating I can be before it starts affecting me negatively as well (it already has anyway lol), and I don’t want to aggravate the situation by getting angry at her for thoughts she can’t control.
TL;DR: gf’s ex cheated on her, gf was 4 months single when we started dating, barely any time to heal. Our relationship is amazing, but she keeps comparing me to her ex (in a good way) and hating on him overall. How can I navigate this situation without losing her?
Submitted September 22, 2022 at 07:58PM by PhantomLove115 https://ift.tt/4EnmvqO
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