I had an abortion 4 months ago. In the beginning I only told my mother that I was pregnant, who proceeded to tell my sister, who proceeded to tell the rest of the family. Everybody knows. I recieved congratulations after congratulations and I had the terrible job of having to correct people, in the sense that I was not going to carry on with the pregnancy, and that they weren't meant to know. I'm only 25. I want to do things before I have a kid, and I don't even know if I actually WANT kids at all.
It caused so much drama in the family between myself and my parents, siblings, aunts and uncles and grandparents. Everybody pleaded and begged with me to continue the pregnancy and the family would look after it. Three issues with that -
- I know they'd still try and have me be involved with it.
- I didn't want to be pregnant.
- I work a job that is not suitable for a pregnant person (in my opinion).
So I terminated anyway.
My extended family two weeks later held a "barbecue" (no covid cases here) and when I showed up, it turned out to be a fucking FUNERAL for my "baby". I was pissed and left immediately. My phone was bombarded with texts and calls from my family calling me horrible names and forwarding me pro-life propoganda and I snapped. I added everybody to a group chat and vented my frustrations, calling them out for what they had said to me and how it was cruel and unfair to trap me into what was essentially a funeral for a clump of cells. I let them know that they were on their own from now on and to not ask me for anything ever again. This was a hard hit for most of them, as I pay for 3 of my cousins' TAFE courses and have withdrawn that support. Also that I would not be giving them any more money. My aunts often ask for me to look after my younger cousins and I told them that they could figure it out themselves. I also told them that I would not hesitate to cease contact with all of them including my grandparents if they continued to behave this way.
My mother was furious with me both for the abortion and the fact that I had brought shame to her and the family. I told her to go fuck herself and that I hope her being righteous and a gossip was worth losing a daughter over.
I didn't talk to any of them up until a month ago. Mum got in touch with an apology, along with my sister and father. They basically pleaded for my forgiveness and wanted me to come back into contact. I reluctantly agreed.
They seem to think everything is better now, but every time I look at them, all I can think about is the time they didn't have my back when I needed it the most. Things still feel tense on my end, and I'm finding it hard to forgive them. I want to forgive them, but I still don't know if it's possible.
My extended family have reached out, but it turned out that they just wanted money so I couldn't give a shit about them.
I guess I'm looking for input on:
- Is this something that can be worked on?
- Will it get better with time?
- Is this betrayal as bad as I think it is? I feel like my family are gaslighting me when they tell me it's not a big deal.
I haven't really spoken to anybody about this or recieved outside input which is why I'm coming here.
TLDR: Got an abortion, apparently shamed the family and went NC for 3 months. Speaking to my immediate family again, but ignoring extended family and things don't feel right for me but I just want things to go back to normal.
Submitted February 20, 2021 at 06:16PM by PaintingLife7613 https://ift.tt/3uhvbdu
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