I (28M) feel like I’m losing my mind now that I’ve lost two years to a new city and then a pandemic. How do I meet someone to date? Or even find friends? How do I stop being irrelevant and invisible?

I feel like I would have had life figured out by now. Like I would have progressed more than this. But here I am within a few years of turning thirty and I still feel completely lost.

Being single, alone and lost just makes me feel so sad so often. About two years ago I moved to a new city. I had a job opportunity crop up that was too good to pass up, but I did not count on how hard it would be to meet friends or find anyone to date. If I had it to do over again, I think I would have stayed where I was where at least I had a few friends. Making friends is hard enough, I should have put more value into the ones I had instead of moving where I didn’t have any.

A lot of days I feel really lost because I just don’t understand how so much works. I don’t understand how attraction works. I don’t understand how faking it works. I feel like by now I should have met someone to at least date. Maybe even start to build a life with. But because I lost the chromosome and genetic lottery, I fade into the crowd. There’s nothing that makes me stand out. In fact, everything makes me blend into the crowd. Things that make more attractive guys charismatic make me creepy. Trying to talk to someone in my position just makes someone dislike me, whereas the same things said or done from a more attractive guy gets them whatever they want. Someone being “creepy” is just a code word for saying that they have less value for someone that wouldn’t be called that.

If I had any friends or anyone to talk to at all, I’d feel better. I already had none in this new town to start with. Now that I’ve basically been imprisoned in this apartment for almost a year because of this stupid pandemic, I’m lost and alone, only with my own thoughts and my own mental torture. The only people I ever see are the others in stores, just seeing half of their faces. Maybe a delivery guy every once in a while. My old friends in my old town have practically forgotten me and I can’t blame them. I’m disposable. Forgettable. Irrelevant.

Can someone point me in the right direction? I’m losing it. What do I do? How do I cross over from creepy to charismatic? How do I regain humanity? How do I become someone that matters instead of just an invisible and irrelevant piece of everyone else’s background?

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tl;dr: Moving to a new town and then losing another year to the pandemic has just made me feel so alone. I don’t think anyone knows I exist, maybe I don’t. How can I get friends or find someone to date? I’m losing it.

Submitted February 26, 2021 at 02:33PM by OnlyContexted https://ift.tt/3898Sxp