My (21F) fiance (25M), who is bisexual and typically very open-minded, just told me that he believes being gay is a sin.

I was completely blindsided when we had this conversation. My fiance has been nothing but open-minded the entire time we've been together.

He paints his nails, thinks men should be able to wear skirts (and expresses a desire to do so himself, even though he's still a little insecure about doing it in public), expressed only support when I told him that I am bisexual, has no issue with me having male friends, and is completely supportive of my decisions to pursue a career and is even willing to be a stay at home dad while I work full time. He is the one that suggested we try pegging so I assumed he was very comfortable in his masculinity. He has gay friends and shows no discomfort talking about or watching gay couples in media.

When he told me that he was bisexual, he seemed incredibly insecure as if I would leave him because of it, he even told me that he hasn't ever told anyone else and doesn't plan to, especially not his family. This didn't raise any flags for me as his family is very conservative and religious and it's sad, but a common reality that people feel uncomfortable coming out to religious friends and family. My fiancé and I are also practicing Christians, but considerably more liberal.

So, imagine my shock when he told me that he believes being gay is a sin. He told me that my support of the LGBT+ community isn't a dealbreaker for him, but I'm not so sure if I feel the same way about his views. I've discussed it further with him, trying to get some insight about his mindset and it seems to me that this is internalized, suppressive homophobia. When I told him that I just don't feel there is anyway that God condemns people for loving someone and that there isn't any truly decisive evidence in the Bible that points to gayness being a sin he simply said that he "hopes I'm right." as if he doesn't even want to believe that being gay is a sin. This leads me to believe that he thinks he has to believe this because it is a common rhetoric among Christians (and his family) and he thinks that he already is toeing the line by being willing to be a stay at home dad and admitting to me that he's attracted to men as well as women so he has to believe being gay is a sin even if he doesn't want to or else he isn't righteous enough.

What I'm left wondering after all of this is if I should try to work with him, or if I should just call things off. I know there is potential for him to change his mind, but I'm not willing to bet on potential. At the same time it breaks my heart to see his self-loathing and we are a great match. In everything else he has been absolutely wonderful and we are a great couple with strong communication and empathy. Above all, I know that it would absolutely destroy him (and myself) to break things off, but I'm not sure how to handle this situation where our values differ so greatly.

TL;DR I never had any indication that my fiancé was homophobic, until he suddenly told me that he thinks being gay is a sin even though he is bisexual. He doesn't even seem to want to believe that it's a sin. I don't know if I should break things off or try to work with him.

EDIT: We're were talking at dinner tonight and he brought up how his older brother (31M) called him the f-slur (among other, even more offensive variants of the word) all throughout his childhood and teenage years. He's told me this before and I've expressed my displeasure with it, but having read your answers I see this particular detail in a new light.

Submitted February 25, 2021 at 02:37PM by GlendaleAve https://ift.tt/3slXF46