Hey everyone!
My wife and I have been married for 4 years, and together for 7. I'm worried we're on a path to financial troubles (with a runway of a couple years). While dating it seemed like we had a pretty similar spending style. Generally conservative with large splashes. Going periods spending very little, with a large purchase here or there. We probably ate out more then we should have. We talked about spending habits and expectations before marriage and no red flags went up.
Then just before our wedding date we were going through the process of moving in together, and consolidating finances. This is when I found out she had exactly 0 savings. I had almost 100k sitting dormant. We work in the same industry. It struck me as odd, she explained it away with paying for school, and giving her parents money etc. It should have been a huge red flag but it just didn't register.
Once we moved in together I began to see some more habits I had clearly missed. The "on the way home from work" shopping trips etc. Now, it's the never ending arrival of amazon packages. The woman can't stop spending, and she spends everything she has. All the talk we had about finances early on was clearly a pipe dream, or maybe she actually believes she is good with money but the reality of the situation just doesn't line up.
Fast-forward a few years. I've become an enabler. "Happy wife happy life...". So I tend to turn a blind eye to the spending. The savings I had has been on a steady decline. We spend more then we make. That's the blunt truth of it. Now I've attempted to put together some budgets for us. Sometimes complex strategies, sometimes simpler. The longest it has worked was about 4 months. Then she tends to have a bit of a breakdown about not being able to get things, or feeling restricted, or that she shouldn't feel the need to ask for permission. Asking for permission was never in the budget plan, nor was I controlling the flow or access to money. If I were to guess she was feeling guilty about what she was spending on and asking permission was a guilt escape, and as the enabler I would talk about how it's a bad idea but "sure if that's what you want". Anyway- every attempt at a budget ends up with her being unhappy.
I'm feeling stressed. It's probably the only conversation I worry about in our relationship, and only because I've seen the unhappiness it brings her before.
For additional info: Our marriage is good, by all measurements I can give we're a happy, healthy couple who have open discussions about troubles and concerns. We have good relationships with all our family members. Friends we spend time with independently, and together. Hobbies we enjoy apart. As of a year ago I'm the sole income while she takes on another more personal project. This was decided by the two of us together, and my income alone should be plenty for the two of us to live, and save.
Does anyone have a good suggestion of a budget strategy that worked well for your marriage?
TL;DR: My wife has poor spending habits that I have enabled over the years. We need to make changes, and we need it to stick. Seeking advice or strategies for us to implement regarding better financial practices.
Just to clarify- despite the post being rant-like about my wife's poor spending habits I do recognize that as I am an enabler in this situation I have just as much blame to bare about where we're heading. This isn't about how to tell her to calm it down, it's about suggestions of how we might come together to curb our behaviours, and grow better habits together.
Submitted February 23, 2021 at 02:02AM by Optimal-Phrase4799 https://ift.tt/3sljFMn
No comments:
Post a Comment