I have been having doubts about my marriage for awhile now but only in the last 6 months have I taken them seriously and am tired of the rocks in the stomach feeling. Long story short we have been together a bit over 15 years and married 8. We have no kids due to fertility issues. We have had a problem with communication for as long as I can remember, she being the worst for holding things in and not discussing them. I for not wanting to bring things up that might upset her as she has a tendency to over-react leading to a feeling of walking on egg shells when it comes to difficult topics. She's a good person and always wants to do the right thing or help people, she's outgoing with our friends and we have a few good things in common but getting past this communication issue has been a huge problem. A big thing happened in Aug that really made me start paying attention to these feelings and taking them seriously more than in the past.
We tried a round of IVF and it failed. It completely tore us both down, but she went down first and got depressed over it. For two weeks I tried to be there for her, console her, talk etc and only got pushed away time after time. It wasn't until I forced the issue that she talked and let it all out. Then only a few days later I got hit with the depression over this and shut down. I wasn't interested in much, just go to work, come home and go to bed. She decided that I was mad at her and instead of trying to talk she withheld any affection for 3 weeks to "see how long I would avoid her." At the 3 week mark she stopped and finally asked me if I was mad at her and stated the above. I told her I was depressed over these fertility issues and it had nothing to do with being mad at her. It was at that point that I started questioning things. I felt very hurt over this, like never before (She has pushed me away before when difficult issues have come up), not only did she push me away with her depression but ignored me in mine. I just can't stop thinking about that incident and even though we have talked about our communication issues and started couples counseling I'm just not sure what to think. I feel guilty about having these feelings but it still hurts after that event and though she has tried to be nicer and more available after work our communication still is not getting better.
I just don't know what to think anymore, I admit I have wondered in the past if we were meant to be together but always kept pushing forward because that's what you do, until after 3 years of trying to get pregnant and that IVF failure hit me. I do know she is committed to us even if she isn't making progress with her issues that lead to her portion of our communication failure. Where as I am not sure and I feel like the bad guy for even thinking about wanting out and wondering if there is someone out there that is truly a better match. I keep thinking that I go through this life once and I deserve to be happy but so does she. What if I did leave but we did have potential to be a perfect couple, wouldn't it of happened by now? As you can see I'm all over the place but I do know I'm tired of feeling stuck in life and not sure what to do.
tl;dr A traumantic event after failure of IVF between my wife and I has me doubting my relationship and if we have a good future together.
Submitted February 25, 2021 at 01:17PM by Rpibble https://ift.tt/3pY8qrH
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