TL;DR
So I never thought this could happen. I had a crush on this guy [24M] when he was single (about 3 years ago back) then I never wanted a bf (I still don't). All I thought about was just uni. I hadn't seen him again up until last year, 2020, where we had a uni project together. The crush of course came back since we naturally had great chemistry, spent 4-5 hours talking, and laughed a lot together. We became friends again very quickly.
I didn't want to have regrets in the future, so I planned to open up to him this time and tell him that I liked him. However, I found alongside everyone else that he has a gf of 2 years. I initially felt relief and thought "I can finally quit this and go back to focusing on uni". We continued spending time together on the project and studying after school, unfortunately, the crush never went away. I thought it was best to come clean to him. I told him that I have a crush on him so we should probably stop seeing each other after school as he has a gf. I did this also because I've never had a boyfriend and I would never want my first bf/kiss to be part of a whole cheating situation. He mentioned that he did find me attractive and had a crush on me at the same time as I did when he was single but knew that I wasn't into dating; he found his gf shortly after and said he can never think of cheating on her. He agreed to mutually distancing ourselves and mentioned we can still be friends.
Since our project was 4 months long, there were some instances where we would grab lunch together in between breaks. Long story short, doing so wasn't good cause I developed strong feelings for him in between those times talking/eating (to the point I thought I loved him) . It was a whole viscous cycle of me being heartbroken, telling him it's better we just cut everything off, him reassuring me that we can be still friends, then me having deeper feelings for him. I realized that the whole situation wasn't good for me wellbeing so I just cut him from my life (I explained to him why though). Just to be clear, nothing ever happened physically but the situation is weird though cause I legitimately went through a heartbreak. It felt like a real heartbreak. I cried a lot. Even after 1 year, I still think about him, cry, then try to get over him mentally. I hate it. It's such a weird situation breaking up but not really breaking up. You make up shit in your head that never happened. I don't know what to do. It's pathetic. Any advice?
Submitted February 28, 2021 at 02:57AM by CartographerTrue2286 https://ift.tt/3aZDkvs
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