(5 year update) Me [44 M] with my sister [50 F], 44 years duration, got a painful message from her regarding my professional behavior as a substitute k-12 teacher and don't know how to respond (long)

The front page r/askreddit thread inspired me to follow up here. Here's my original post from five years ago.

The discussion was really helpful, and at one point I had my therapist read that thread. Thanks to everyone who chimed in.

Since that post, I have not been in contact with my sister, except for incidentally at a few family events, where we had minimal interaction. My other family is conflicted, but they seem to understand that neither of us wants to be in each others' lives any more, despite them wanting us both in theirs.

I've worked on this issue specifically in therapy, which has helped me develop some insight into those messages. Next year I will be as old as my sister was when she wrote me those abusive messages (there were a few followup messages I didn't include in the original post.)

I don't regret cutting her out. I do regret having had a toxic person for a sibling. Looking back I recognized that her over the top email was part of a few lifelong behavioral patterns. I realized that basically, despite our biological similarities and having been raised in the same household, we are simply not compatible people.

I hope one day she will develop her own insight, recognize her abusive behavior patterns, and reach out to try to repair or reestablish a relationship with me. But I'm not holding my breath for this to happen, and I'm not interested in reaching out to ask her if she'll consider trying to improve things. Not having her in my life in the years since has actually improved the quality of my life: there's been a lot of unnecessary drama and hard feelings that I'd been used to having to handle that I simply don't with her gone.

At this point I anticipate only seeing her at a few more funerals. Would have been nice to have a good relationship with a sibling, but I do not have that with her and I don't believe I ever will.

tl;dr: Cut abusive person out and life has improved

Submitted February 24, 2021 at 05:32AM by sisterissuethrowaway https://ift.tt/3pWmYs0