Hi,
I (34F) been in NYC for 11 years and have been desperate to leave the east coast for a few years now. I’m not from here, I grew up in sunshine and my whole family is out west.
My job is here but it exists everywhere (aka I don’t have to be in NYC to do what I do—it’s needed most places). The problem: my boyfriend (37M) of 3 years is here and is convinced he has to be here to do what he does. He says he’s open to moving but he “can’t” because his career opportunity is here. And he doesn’t want to leave his current job which he likes. Which is fair.
It got so bad when covid hit that last June I impulsively packed a car and drove west by myself to stay with family. It felt like the perfect time to get out. I will admit I didn’t put a lot of forethought into this move (which is partly why I’m paralyzed with indecision now). All I knew was NYC was getting slammed with the virus, I had wanted to leave for ages anyway, and he was on board with figuring things out once I got there.
Well, unsurprisingly I ended up missing him terribly and feeling very unmoored. So after he visited me in the fall I decided to come back East with him. My stuff (minus a duffel full of clothes I’ve been living out of) is still out west.
Now we’re back in the city and I am bitterly unhappy once again. I was so happy out west—I felt better than I have in years minus the fact that he wasn’t there and I’d left our wonderful relationship behind.
I am done living here. Winter is a large contributing part of this. I have tried it all—light therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, gratitude, journaling. We even stayed in an Airbnb in the burbs for a while over the holidays. It made no difference. I just don’t want to be in this part of the world.
I feel like I’m going insane. I’ve started to look at fully remote jobs that might allow me to at least spend winters out west and still come here and be with him the rest of the time. But a job like this may or may not materialize and then what...?
Has anyone been in this situation or have any ideas/words of wisdom? I feel like I’m trapped in a squirrel cage constantly ruminating on this and trying to find a solution and some happiness. What would you do?
Tl;dr: I feel like I have to choose between my relationship and the lifestyle I want to live.
Submitted February 28, 2021 at 10:36AM by westgoingzax https://ift.tt/3b0m619
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