I (22M) took a DNA test through 23&me and I found out that I had a different biological father/entire family and my biological father is dead. How do I proceed from here?

Where do I even start...

I am 22 years old. I grew up “knowing” both of my parents, or so I thought. My “dad” and my mom. They divorced when I was 8 and I moved to a different state than where my dad lived in. I have known my supposed “dad” my entire life, but he was never really in the picture. He didn’t raise me. He lives in another state. When he was in the picture he was an abusive piece of shit towards everyone in my life. He is a complete narcissist and has sociopathic tendencies. However, since he was my father (at least I thought he was) I continued to let him into my life, regardless of how many mental health issues he has caused me to gain. Literally any mental health issue that I have has been caused because of him being my dad and “in” my life. Well, as I got older, my dad’s new wife of the year had suspicions that I wasn’t his kid, because I looked absolutely nothing like him. This was brushed off by nearly everyone until I got to be around 17. This is when I started to get suspicious as well. So when I was around 17, I asked my mom if there was any way that my dad wasnt my biological father and she always said there was no way. I asked this question multiple times throughout the years until my girlfriend decided it was time for me to know for real and she bought me a DNA test kit from 23 and me, hoping we’d be able to find some answers through there.

Fast forward to me now, 22 years old, finally get my results back from the DNA test this morning. I look at the results and what pops up is two relatives. A first cousin and a half sister. Both of which I have never heard of. My girlfriend and I did some digging and found their facebook profiles and got into contact with them. My cousin is 21 and my half-sister is 24. I ask about my father, and they tell me that he has passed away in 2007. Finding out my father isnt my father, and that my biological father is dead and never even knew I existed is so shocking to me that I don’t even know what to do.

I decided to confront my mom. I asked her if the name sounded familiar, and she said it didnt. I confronted her completely and said I know who my dad is. She acts in complete and utter shock. Let me also add this in- I was emotionally abused by my mom my entire life. I believe the correct term is emotional incest. She always has a victim mentality and never let me feel emotions for myself, I always had to be the adult in situations when it came to her and my sister (who I thought was my full sister). I only came to this realization once again when my girlfriend told me how my mom would manipulate me and always play the innocent can-do-no-wrong card. Anyways, she has completely denied ever questioning whether my father is my father or not. Even though I’ve brought it up multiple times. Oh yeah, and I’m 6’5 and my supposed “dad” is 5’6. Guess that didn’t spark a cue either. Anyways, my mom is playing the victim card to everyone around, even my step-dad told me that I shouldn’t be mad at anyone because “nobody questioned this my entire life” which isnt true.

I got into contact with my bio dad’s sister, my new found half sister, and my first cousin. After talking with my first cousin, it turns out he was adopted since he was a baby and he took the DNA test to find more about his bio family. He knew his mom but didn’t know his dad. After finding me we found out that his dad is my bio dad’s brother. Both of them are dead. So after talking with my bio dad’s sister, she’s in shock. She told her mom, who is also in shock. Both of my bio grandma’s dead sons, both of my bio aunts dead brothers, have sons that nobody knew existed.

I want to pursue a relationship with this new found side of my family. How do I go about this? How do I break the news to my supposed father and that side of the family who I thought I had another half sister from? How do I deal with my mom acting like a victim and like she had no possible clue? This is all so much to take in and honestly sounds so fake, but I assure you its not. Any and all advice welcome.

TLDR; honestly every detail is important but if you dont wanna read i totally understand. basically mom lied about my bio dad, i found my bio dad thru 23&me, and found out he is dead. asking for any and all advice from here

Submitted February 22, 2021 at 03:22PM by luxuryfood https://ift.tt/3aJWjtV