I (32M) am struggling with a very serious conflict between my wife (31F) and my family, which has caused enormous stress over the last year, including putting tremendous strain on our marriage and nearly destroying my relationship with the rest of my family.
My wife's relationship with my family was always OK, but since we live across the country, was never very close. She had a bit of a tenuous relationship with my mother, which got pretty rocky during the planning of our wedding, but was actually getting to be OK after that.
Until, in late 2019, I suffered from a very serious health emergency which landed me in a coma on life support, fighting for my life. My wife slept in the hospital the entire time, never leaving my side. My family and in-laws all flew in from across the country and, though things were apparently going OK for the first week, relations quickly broke down and my parents and brother flew home, without telling my wife and while I was still in coma in the ICU. They returned a few days later when I woke up and, even in my dazed state, I immediately noticed the tension.
In the weeks that followed, I learned from my wife about how relations broke down, how she was hurt by my parents and felt that she was kicked out of my family (there were meetings with hospital social workers that were very adversarial). Much of this was based off who was responsible for my medical decisions (which my wife handled like a champ and who saved my life numerous times) and visitation rights (my parents complained they did not have enough access to be in the ICU room with me).
Fast forward a couple months until my parents visit again (and I am back on my feet). My wife was too upset to see them, so I spent time with them alone. When it came time to breach the subject about my wife's hurt feelings, my mom exploded, telling me how horrible my wife was while I was in the hospital, and ended the conversation by saying that she hated her and never wanted to see her again, and then storming out. When I got home I broke down and told my wife what my mother had said. Which made things so much work...
My wife will not speak to my mother again until she apologizes, or at least retracts what she said. My mother refuses to do so. My father and brothers got involved and relations soured further. I felt myself getting more and more distant from them, ignoring calls and texts, which made them resent my wife further. My mother has barely uttered my wife's name in the past year. My wife has really not spoken to anyone in my family in the past year (not that they have tried to reach out to her or make amends).
Meanwhile, my wife has suffered from depression and PTST (as a result of literally witnessing me die and be resuscitated before being taken to the hospital) and has been seeing a therapist every week. She is doing much better now (but 2020 has given us the gift of infertility as well, which is another hurdle). Thankfully I am physically heathy, but this has all caused me to suffer from anxiety and depression as well.
I don't want to be alienated from my family. But I also want to support my wife. And as time goes on, I am finding that these positions to be completely irreconcilable. Help?
TLDR: After some drama took place while I was in a coma, my mother told me that she hates my wife and never wants to see her again. Relations have really only gotten worse...
Submitted January 05, 2021 at 07:29PM by ComprehensiveDepth58 https://ift.tt/35gaMuB
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