My (37f) boyfriend (39m) used to leave me alone all the time to go drinking....now that he is dry, he wants all my time.

I don't know if I'm being unfair and "unwilling to move forward" as he tells me. We've dated for 5 years. We live close to each other (and I often stay over) but we don't live together.

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For the first 3 years, he was a workaholic and often went out drinking after work, coming home (via Uber) past midnight. I work from home, so I was often very isolated. I didn't mind if he went out once a week, but it was often more than that. I felt alone a lot. But also, I'm pretty introverted and used to being alone.

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He stopped drinking 2 years ago (great news because he was pretty much a functional alcoholic by the time he stopped). Now with covid, he works from home.

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He wants me there all the time. He wants me staying over all the time (I generally do around 2 nights a week). When I don't stay over, he wants me there in the morning and allllll day (he works better when I'm there). He wants me there in the evenings.

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When I leave, he gets annoyed. If I don't come over early enough, he gets annoyed. He's annoyed all the time these days. He keeps telling me he's not going to "live this way" much longer and I either need to move in or break up.

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I love him and want to be with him, but no, I don't want to live with him right now. For several reasons. For one thing, I feel like I'm the only one who puts effort in (he literally never comes to my place...he doesn't drive and he doesn't like it there). I can't stand being around anyone 24/7, so it might work if he went to work during the day but right now he's just home constantly. When I'm there, he always has the tv on (and that stresses me out a bit). He also doesn't compromise well (he wants me to stay over but he still allows the dog to sleep on the bed knowing I don't love that because of all the fur and lack of room). He's also always judging what I'm doing ("what are you doing on the computer? you're done work...why are you still on it? why don't you go hang pictures?"). I mean, it's not terrible but I never feel like I can just relax and do what I want (like I can in my own place) without him asking me all these questions.

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I like seeing him frequently but also having my own "safe space" to retreat to. And eventually I'm hopeful we could live together, but we'd have to deal with some issues first (and honestly if he ends up going back to work outside of the home, that alone would fix a lot of them).

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But he's always pushing me and getting mad that I'm not there more often, not "treating his home as my own" etc. Part of me feels resentful because I dealt with being very lonely and pining away for him for 3 years and he never cared. Now that he's home all the time and not going out drinking, he expects me to be with him constantly. When I remind him of this, he just says "well, I stopped drinking....we need to move forward to create a good life together...don't punish me for what I used to do". I don't feel I'm punishing him, but I dealt with it for years...I don't think I should now have to be there all the time just because he's NOW decided he wants a different life.

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Are we just too different to make it work? Should I let him go? Maybe we'd both be happier?

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tldr: he used to go out all the time and didn't care if I was lonely....now he's home all the time and wants me with him constantly but I don't like being around anyone that much

Submitted January 26, 2021 at 09:24AM by Own-Opportunity9253 https://ift.tt/36edxNk