I am 38/F. I used to have a network of friends, or at least people I could talk to. That is gone now and I do not know how to connect with others. I am pretty sure I have chased them away.
I have made some major mistakes in my life in the past 10 years. I was pretty mentally unhealthy for a period of time-I grew up in a very abusive home (mentally/sexually/verbally). I left home at age 16 without completing high school to escape that background. I carried my poor childhood with me through my 20's. I was in so much pain. At my lowest point in life I was involved in the adult industry for 6 months. It was the worst 6 months I have ever lived. I contemplated suicide during that time. People that knew me at the time did not know what was happening until after I left that lifestyle. But, I still had people I could call friends even though I was broken. I did however earn a GED at age 20 and a BA at age 25.
Starting at age 28, and after leaving the adult industry, I decided to reclaim my life. I slowly began to reintroduce myself back into normal jobs. I worked in call centers, cleaned houses, filed paperwork, etc. I went back to school (I had a undergraduate degree, so I enrolled in an MS program). I left a romantic relationship that was going nowhere at age 30. Still during this time, I had some friends. After graduation, I decided to move to an area where I could find consistent work. I have tried to maintain contact with some people, but once I moved it became more challenging.
After age 30, I have sought help for my issues through therapy. I finished the MS program and a PhD program (graduated last year). I was married 2 years ago, and I am currently pregnant. I have been working steadily for nearly 7 years today-found I have a knack for technology. People that interact with me now mention how centered I am...this took years of work and I have had a loving husband to cheer me on. There has been vast improvement on my end. But, few from my past will speak to me. Not even a hello.
I have reached out, sent FB messages, and had only positive things to say. I don't know if I should start out interactions with an apology and how much I have changed? I feel like I was such a terrible person in my past, that I have essentially chased everyone away. Whenever I have connected with some folks from my past, they remind me of how terrible my life was from before, how I was in the adult industry, and things I've said 8, 9, 10 years ago. I feel that people enjoyed my time when my life was in shambles.
TL;DR - I have made mistakes in my past that have likely chased people away. I want to reconnect with people, but I am met with the cold shoulder most of the time. Should I start out interactions with an apology and share how much I've changed?
Submitted January 29, 2021 at 03:13AM by Constant-Commercial9 https://ift.tt/3oqyhHT
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