Background: I am a FTM trans man. This will be relevant later.
My father has disowned and re-owned me multiple times since I came out in 2018. It's a fairly empty threat, since I am a steadily employed adult living alone. However, it has never been this bad.
I think his sensitivity to perceived slights has gotten worse with pandemic isolation, to the point where he has disowned me 5 times in the past 3 months. Re-owning me is never a grand gesture, by the way; he just decides one day that the problem is over, and I'm selfish if I don't put it behind me.
I will try to summarize what happened (dates are approximate/fudged):
Oct. 30: Calls me, unprompted, to tell me my life choices make me a target for bigots, and he will not protect me from them. Goes on about this for more than 45 minutes without me saying a word. Then gets mad that I am not talking. Also said he wouldn't buy me my birthday gift this year, which... well, ok.
Nov. 10: Invites himself over for Thanksgiving. I ask him not to come, due to COVID. He says I will never see him or my mother again.
Nov. 30 (around my birthday): Vented to me about the family's financial struggles. Immediately afterward, asked for my input on a new project he just came up with, which would cost him about $3,000 startup cost. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea. He harrassed me over text for days, and told extended family and friends how I was ungrateful/crushing his dreams.
Dec. 20: I called my mom to talk. He took the phone from her and talked at me for about 20 minutes with no input from me. I finally ask him to give the phone back to mom. He screams at me, making a point to deadname/misgender me, calls me a brat, an entitled little whore, etc. I hang up on him. Later that night, I text him in no uncertain terms that I am not interested in speaking with him until he apologizes for how he's been treating me.
This morning: I woke up to 14 notifications sent to my long-deactivated Facebook account (the one with my deadname). As I am reading them, more come in. Highlights include: "I don't owe u anything. It's the other way around." "I'm just sick of saying be nice. So.. bye." "Sorry it has to be this way. I didn't change. You did." "If you don't want to be my daughter. Ok. But I don't need a new 24 year old son who acts like a silly little girl. Tell your therapist that." "I'm don't asking for my kid's respect and loyalty. You owe me that. At your age I owe you zero."
I don't know what to do anymore. It hurts to know how much more effort he went to to message a Facebook account that isn't even visible on the site anymore, just to hurt me with my old identity. It's very intentional; he is perfectly capable of using my correct name and pronouns when he's not angry. It's also hurting my relationship with my mom, who has been one of my biggest supports my whole life. We talk so much less now that I can't call her without fear.
tl;dr My dad disowns me every time I do not react to him with complete enthusiasm, and uses my transgender identity to twist the knife. What am I supposed to do to make it stop?
Submitted January 26, 2021 at 09:08PM by inkiestslinky https://ift.tt/36irlq3
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