I'm old (48f), somewhat disabled and want to leave my partner (49m) but he tells me I'll sink without him and he's correct. Suck it up and accept "this is my life"?

Hi everyone, I don't know what to do. Why ask strangers? Well (a) I've seen some great advice on here, (b) I think unbiased third-parties can see things more clearly.

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If I'm screwed, please just be honest. I don't need positive encouragement...I need to be slapped in the face with the truth. :)

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Right up front, I'll admit and agree with anyone who notices this fact....over my life I have made several bad choices which landed me in this situation.

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The facts: I've been with my partner (where I'm from, without getting into complicated explanations, we aren't considered common-law and I'm not entitled to anything....that's not really my focus here but I know it may be a question for some, but no, I'm not entitled to support...in fact I moved out last year which nullified any "common law" status). I have a disability which causes me to struggle with focus and also some chronic pain, which over the years has limited my mobility and ability to work in certain jobs. I also think I am a loyal, kind partner (maybe not so much these days) and I've truly loved him over the years. I moved out last year (because he cheated on me...he's cheated in various ways over the years, but this was the first time I know of that was physical). I've been living off savings and a part-time remote job since then.

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I've remained in his life because I love him. But I now see it's just never going to be a good relationship again. I'll never trust him again...ever.

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But he's scaring me. He wants to be with me. He wants me to live with him (and marry him). He tells me I'm old (no, 48 isn't a senior citizen, but come on...it's getting up there). He tells me I have no career/education and I'm not going to find a job that will pay a good living wage (probably true). He tells me the likelihood of finding a new partner for me is low because I'm an older woman with a disability and no career (very true), but for him it's high (he's successful with an excellent job). He tells me he loves me, and he wants me to be with him, and he's scared for my future without him, but if I go...he'll be fine and will find another partner. But he's always telling me I'm in a very bad position and he's scared for my future.

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I'm second guessing myself. I don't know what to do. I have a small retirement fund (I mean very small...$40,000). I can support myself but only because I'm using some savings that I have (I am trying to get a better job and I hope it will happen after lockdown, but no matter what I'm never going to make great wages, even if I get trained in something).

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Our relationship isn't good for me. I know he doesn't respect me. He thinks I've made terrible choices in life (and he's right) and he highly values education (he has a Masters degree) and I have 1 year of college. I know he's not very attracted to me physically (and throughout our relationship he has sought out attention from other women many times). He wants me because I am good to him and make his life better. But other than financial security, he doesn't make my life better. In fact, he has anger issues so I often walk on eggshells. And I'm often insecure because I don't trust him and I never know what he's up to (he's lied to me a lot in the past about other women).

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I'm looking for advice/input. Am I an idiot to leave this situation at my age? Should I suck it up and find strategies to make it better? Would the stress of living hand-to-mouth and loneliness be worse than living with someone I don't trust?

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tldr: Should I try to make my (bad) relationship work because I can barely survive on my own and I'm old?

Submitted January 30, 2021 at 08:26AM by Sad_Strike_4873 https://ift.tt/3aeN4AE