My girlfriend and I are both originally from the east coast and met senior year of college at an east coast school. I studied computer science so it was agreed upon that we would both move to California after graduation so I could get a good footing in the tech industry, then move back to the east coast after 4/5 years. I should also note, my girlfriend is extremely close with her family - one of those small families that does everything together (aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents in attendance at every single event) who all live in the same city within 20 minutes of one another. She calls her parents multiple times a day, every single day, to chat. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this, it’s just a crucial point to consider as I explain the situation. Anyway, graduation comes along and we’re both still together, luckily both find jobs in California, and decide we should move in together to save on rent.
Fast forward 2 years since moving to California, and I have relished every. single. day. I cannot believe how incredibly lucky I got finding the job I have: I have a very high salary, extremely relaxed position, incredibly empathetic boss, and huge room to grow and develop. I basically jump out of bed every morning because I can’t wait to start work. Additionally, the company has exploded in growth since I’ve joined (we benefited from COVID), and I have already received promotions, and on track to ‘work my way up the ladder’ and achieve a high position in a relatively short amount of time. To top it all off, I am an outdoorsy guy, so having access to world-class hiking/scuba-diving/trail running in California has been an absolute godsend. To sum it up, I feel like I’m living a dream; I truly have never been more happy in my life.
Now in stark contrast, my girlfriend has absolutely despised California since moving. Mainly for three reasons: (1) Her job is the antithesis of mine: very low paying, toxic work environment, and no room to grow, (2) she feels highly disconnected from her close-knit family I previously mentioned, and (3) she is a city-girl that dislikes the outdoors, so she hasn’t (and doesn’t want to) partake in any of the outdoor activities I do. I understand her hatred of the place, any person with her disposition would too.
In terms of our relationship throughout these past three years, we have loved and deeply cared for one another every day. We continue to go on dates and keep the ‘spark’ alive. She is truly a great woman that brings out the best in me and I could absolutely see a future with her (BUT only in California). There is nothing wrong or unfavorable I find in her or our relationship.
With this considered, she approached me a month ago and stated she cannot live in California anymore and we must move back to the east coast within the next six months (cutting us 2/3 years short of the original ~5 year timeline we agreed upon). So now I am in the situation of deciding between a dream job/life or my girlfriend, who I care and love.
I am not looking for a definitive answer as to what I should do, more of guidance on how I should approach the decision. Here are some additional points to consider:
- She will, without a doubt, leave me if I say I’m staying in California.
- She does not want to try and find another job in California and stick-out the next 2/3 years with me.
- If we move back to the east coast, we would move to the city with her family. It’s very difficult seeing myself having a life outside of our relationship/her family - I have no friends and family in this city.
- The aforementioned city has very little job prospects centered around my industry. It also has little outdoor activity available, I won’t name the city in particular but it’s in the top 5 ‘least outdoorsy cities’. So I lose that aspect of my life. It also has very little job prospects centered around my industry.
- My work does allow me to work remotely, but it will drastically reduce my chances of promotion and overall success at the company. I would also need to work west coast hours, on an east coast time zone, which is not ideal.
- If I stay in California, I could see myself becoming incredibly successful at my current company. I do not want my decision to leave creating resentment in the future.
Thanks for the guidance, this decision has been ripping me apart the last month.
TL;DR Been with girlfriend for three years, moved to California with stipulation we move back to the east coast after 5 years. Low and behold I find my dream job/life in California while girlfriend finds hell; she now insists we move back to the east coast within a few months. Do I give up my dream job/life for her?
Submitted January 27, 2021 at 06:12PM by cali_throw_away https://ift.tt/3ozyb0Z
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