I've (38 m) had erectile dysfunction for 15+ years & my urologist is recommending a penile implant. My wife (36 f) will likely divorce me if I go through with it.

I have had ED for most of my adult life. It began after taking a medication and 15+ years of multiple specialists, physicians, and therapists had failed to find an answer until recently a test found the issue, a congenital defect in my veins called venous leak (VL) via ultrasound - basically I can get erect but not keep it. Viagra and similar meds have helped in the past, but have stopped working as well over the past few years, which is a hallmark symptom of venous leak. There is no known cure or treatment for VL. I’ve managed to father 3 children and am very lucky in other aspects of my life (i.e. career, looks, athleticism, etc.). I love my wife dearly (been together 4 years), but friends and even our counselors have eluded in private sessions to the fact that she is not a great wife towards me and has too many issues to self-reflect and change for the betterment of “us”. We do not have a great relationship, in fact I’ve considered divorce.

Despite having a great life that I am very grateful and happy about (outside of my marriage), my ED / VL has caused a good amount of mental anguish. It has made dating and relationships difficult. Often I “fear” being intimate and loving with my wife out of fear of failure in the bed. My penis not getting erect, or staying erect, etc. Even with Viagra or injections (yep, into the penis) – I am lucky for it to work well 50% of the time.

My wife “says” that our sex life is fine, but its not. I appreciate that she doesn’t turn my ED into her own issues (like a GF in the past did), but we have probably only had sex 5-10x in the past 12-16 months. She always has a reason she doesn’t want to despite me trying 2x a week or so. So basically, I take Viagra or another drug, get the crappy side effects from them, and don’t even get to have sex with my wife, who is the sexiest woman I know btw.

Anyways, my urologist says that my best bet because of VL and the failure of other treatments is to get a penile implant. At first I thought no way in hell I’d ever do that. But the more I looked into and talked with other men and their wives who have had a penile implant the more I realized its not as bad as it sounds – and totally “cures” the ED issue. Men who have had an implant are very happy with their "fixed" penis, but moreso all seem ever more happy that the emotional piece you get back (no more anxiety or depression) is the best part. You still have the same sensations and orgasms and all that, you can even still get good blood flow to the penis, its just you have to pump up a little ball that is placed in your scrotum to make your penis erect. But it stays erect. Sounds life saving. It is still your same penis, it just works now.

I brought this up to my wife (which was difficult because this issue is so embarrassing) and she is totally against it. She “looked into it” after I brought it up and says its too weird and mechanical. Its not natural. She doesn’t think she would like it. After that she basically stonewalled me. I reached out and found some guys who have had implants and asked If their wives would be willing to talk to my wife, to talk about any apprehensions they may have had when their husbands were considering this. My wife is unwilling to talk to them. I’ve tried to explain to her the emotional pain ED has caused me most of my life and how I want this because I want us to be able to connect better together through sex, to experience our love together. But her mind is made up and she won’t look into it any further. She says I am being selfish and only caring about myself and not how she would/does feel about it.

I guess I was just hoping that she would be supportive and at least willing to look into it a bit further. Studies have shown that 98% of partners are happy with the results of their husband getting an implant. I am definitely younger than your typical “implantee”, but to me that is all the more reason to finally restore a piece of my life I have been missing and struggling with for so long. I truly wish this could be with my wife. She is in so many ways said that she thinks if I got the implant it would affect our marriage so poorly that basically we wouldn’t stay together. She didn’t specifically say that, but I know what she was eluding to.

If my urologist (and another one I am getting a 2nd opinion from) continues to say that he is confident this is the best route for me, then I would like to go through with it. Which could very possibly mean a divorce and then trying to eventually date with a penile implant.

My question to all of you is – if your husband had this issue and was vulnerable enough to talk to you about how it has affected him emotionally for so long, would you be supportive in him getting a penile implant? Would you ever date a man who had a penile implant? Do you think it is “selfish” of me to want and consider this option??

While it might be somewhat mechanical, many men I’ve talked to or read their stories indicate that they could date a woman for a year and she would never know they had an implant as long as they do not “fondle” their scrotum (and notice the pump in there).

P.S. I’ve had ever test under the sun done, so please don’t recommend Vit d, or TRT, or a therapist, etc. I’ve been through 15+ years of every option available.

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TL,DR: After 15+ years of ED and failed treatments which has affected my mental state, my uro recommended a penile implant to me. My wife is totally against it and unwilling to really look into it further w me. She will likely divorce me (or just stop speaking to me and never have sex w me again) if I decide to go through with it.

Submitted January 26, 2021 at 06:00PM by maybebionic https://ift.tt/3a4oP8c