Do I take my remorseful boyfriend back after I left him after finding out he cheated in the beginning of our relationship? Or do I stick to my decision of leaving him.

I [20f] found out about my boyfriend [25m] cheating on me just a couple days ago, the incidents (happened 2 times... that I know of) took place 4 months into our relationship. The woman he cheated with saw a pic of us and showed me all the evidence through texts and snapchats and videos.

While on the phone with her getting the details (she was super nice about it and agreed it was fine) my boyfriend could not even stay in the same room, he looked extremely guilty and ashamed. I took all my things and left, and he was crying. Me and the girl still keep in contact as i feel like it helps me reassure myself that leaving is the right decision, she too was cheated on in the past and says she wishes someone warned her. She is very sweet and I do not hate her at all.

Since then (2 days ago) I have blocked his number but he has sent me a dozen emails every day, and found another way to call me. He says he’s willing to even talk about this incident with my parents and ask forgiveness from everyone. He says he’ll research ways to keep a relationship going after infidelity and do whatever he needs to, even if it takes like two years. He says he wants us to live together and get married in the future, and he can only see a future with me.

I’m not exactly sure what kind of advice i’m looking for here but, do I give him a second chance? Not even by taking him back right away, but should I take a couple weeks of space from him then revisit the issue?

The timeline of stuff is something I’m confused on too. She told me from the beginning that the last time they had sex was july. And he says that the last time they saw eachother was august however he didn’t have sex with her because he felt guilty so he told her to leave. She didn’t comment on August just that they last had sex july. When I asked why he kept in contact with her so long after the incident he said that the girl had always been very clingy so he wanted to end their relationship on a note where she wouldn’t contact him again (he was cheating on me in june/july/and i guess august too? but messaged her in November to ask if everything was fine, and then sent a final merry christmas message). But she says that he kept asking her “do you hate me? would you like to come over in the next couple of weeks?”. I don’t think she has any reason to lie as she has proof for july, but he swears he didn’t ask her to link again in November. I told him how all of these actions were wrong on his part and passed all my boundaries. He says he takes full responsibility and doesn’t even know why he kept in contact with her. I told him it’s probably so that he could still have access to her and cheat again but he says he just wanted to make sure she was fine.... still don’t know what that even means though.

I really loved him and I do feel extremely betrayed and disrespected. I loved everything about our relationship and we have grown in various ways together, but what I’m having trouble with is not knowing when he is being genuine or not. If I take him back, is he likely to cheat again? During our relationship he always promised never to cheat, so now I know how much of a good liar he is. He told me that the two times he cheated, he told me he was sick and ended our bedtime calls a bit early or acted distant out of guilt. But during that time I was oblivious and very much in love.

He says I could have his phone all the time and have the passwords to any accounts. I’m not sure what to do. As he was sending the emails begging for me back I was very sure of my decision in leaving him. But then he called me (I didn’t recognize the number and picked up thinking it was my delivery order) and after talking on the phone I just feel like maybe I should give him another chance, or that if the roles were switched he would give me one (his ex cheated on him and he gave her a second chance). But is he just saying these things to get me back and then mistreat me again? Or does he really love me and genuinely wants to change and rebuild the relationship? To be honest, and this will sound very stupid of me, but my gut is telling me to give him a second chance for some reason. If he cheats again, shame on me for giving him the opportunity to, but what if he actually doesn’t?

I am just really confused. I appreciate all the comments btw, the good, mean, heartfelt, ugly etc. Just any advice and opinions would mean a lot as I feel like it’s a time sensitive issue. I want to leave as I feel I deserve better but he is telling me he will do everything and anything to become better. Even counselling.

Edit: I live at my parents house and it is really crowded here, I never have any privacy. I really liked being with him cuz I could have my own space at his house. I liked how he would always buy me whatever I wanted without me having to ask. I liked that he has a university education and I’m in the process of getting my BSW. I would never choose these things in return for being cheated on, I respect myself, however I really do miss these things and felt like he was an asset to my life. Should I consider these things when deciding whether to take him back or not?

Tl;dr: Should I [20f] take my boyfriend [25m] back after I found out he cheated on me twice in the beginning of our relationship? He says he swears he has changed and developed more respect for me now than he did in the beginning. He said he’s willing to do whatever to get our relationship back, regardless of how long it takes.

Submitted January 31, 2021 at 01:58PM by Zealousideal-Help271 https://ift.tt/3j6aWdF