My (30sf) husband (30sm) of 16 years is untruthful with his parents. Now he's made it my job to ensure we don't end up with a service dog they want to get for our sons (8m).

Background: I have a kid with a high-intervention medical diagnosis and a kid with an autism diagnosis and intellectual disability. My husband works and I stay home with the kids.

My MIL is on husband #6, 5 years on now and we've seen them maybe four or five times. Apparently, FIL6’s ex wife (a lifelong alcoholic suffering from untreated mental illness whose three young adult children have no contact with her by choice) is from my hometown, where we now live, and he plies my husband with stories from “the awful, nutjob people down there” when we visit. I’m too busy to notice because I’m running after my children, attending to their needs while the guys sit around and drink. I’ve never spent more than thirty minutes, and in mixed company, with FIL6. I hear the stories secondhand from my husband on the long drive home. FIL6 is also prone to taking my husband on long outings where they “unexpectedly” tailgate, or just happen to have lost track of time at the bar. The last time we were there, FIL6 came home briefly just to hand my husband’s phone to me and say “you girls don’t wait up, now!” so I couldn’t call to tell him to come help me put the boys down for bed.

I infer that I’m lumped in with FIL6’s ex wife and the other “awful people down here” and even if that’s not the case, I’m not about that kind of “vacation.” I’ve told my husband he is free to take the kids and visit the in laws any time, but I won’t be the patsy again.... SURPRISE he’s not visited once since.

Middle Ground: I have long been searching for a way to get a service dog. With the medical alert piece and behavioral piece in our house, I’ve felt like the kids would do well with a companion and I would do well with some backup re: special needs vigilance. I reached out to a breeder, chose a pup for temperament, found a very experienced trainer that would work with us to train our dog. There’s no way we could afford a 25k+ service animal but I thought I pieced it together pretty good!

When we get the dog home, I’m struck. Our sons are 8 and 7, my 8 y/o being the one with medical special needs, and my 7 y/o the one with behavioral special needs. Their father takes this dog over for his own, hand feeding it, swaddling it in a blanket, sleeping with it, playing with it, cleaning up after it, talking baby talk to it. Like he never does for his sons. My husband knows the minimum about 8yo medical needs and doesn't initiate any interaction with our 7 y/o unless his therapists are present and engage him. It hit me like a brick.

By the fourth day, my husband suggested we name the dog “Good Lucas” (our son with IDD is Lucas and, therefore, Bad Lucas) as we were having to redirect our son from eating the dogfood, getting into the crate, messing with the puppy papers. I told my husband I didn’t appreciate that and felt resentment toward him and the dog. His response was “we’re bonding over this dog, I think it will help our relationship” (really? It looked like you and the dog bonding, the boys weren’t involved... plus I have to tie a porkchop around your kids neck for you to want to be a dad to him, basically?) “Oh, so a dog was fine when it was your idea, but now that I love it, you’re mad and want to take the dog back?” (I wanted you to like the dog, not be more loving toward it than you are to your own kids) He continued to call the dog Good Lucas.

I brought the pup back to the breeder the fifth day.

Issue at hand: MIL wants to visit sometime in april. We haven’t seen her since last spring due to Covid, we didn’t zoom or anything over Christmas or Bdays. My husband had apparently talked to her the weekend we got the dog, and then as a follow up, told her it was sick and we returned it and not to mention the dog anymore.

MIL has assured him that due to her charity work and significant contributions, we will have a dog ASAP and she will make sure this one is healthy.

The problem wasn’t the dog. The problem is her son doesn’t help me with the kids and treats the dog better than his own sons. The problem is that her son lies to her, outright or by omission, about everything.

My kids are already sad that a dog was here for a little while and then left. I do NOT want MIL to show up with a dog, ever. My husband is fine with her showing up with a dog. He's unhappy we don't still have a dog.

So now I have to talk to her.

Do I explain her son’s shitty behavior to her (which only makes sense if I reveal he’s not been honest about the kind of relationship we have, or the kind of father he is), or do I just tell her that I’m not in agreement about a dog anymore and any dog she brings will be immediately returned and they will lose out on whatever dollars the dog might be worth and just follow through with that if necessary?

Tldr, my in laws already think I’m crazy and a jerk for not letting my husband “have fun” when we go up there to visit them. Because of that, my husband has been the one to communicate with them, for years now, and does so poorly and rarely. He lied about the circumstances around which we returned a puppy and my MIL revealed she has been working with a charity to raise money that then works with you to raise money for your needs. My husband is fine with another dog and has no intentions of telling her not to continue with this plan. I DO NOT WANT ANOTHER DOG as long as I am married to this man. Do I explain the situation about the returned dog?? Or do I just again look like a crazy jerk and tell MIL/FIL6 I will not allow a dog -- even a service dog -- in my house?

Submitted January 30, 2021 at 12:45PM by Odd_Reading_3121 https://ift.tt/3pCY7Kq