My parents played a role in my brother's death and I don't know how to forgive them. Or if I even should?

I (30) don't know what to do.

My parents have been divorced since I was young. Dad remarried my Stepmother shortly after and blessed me with a half sister.

I've been struggling with how to handle my Dad and Step-Mom. The very short version of the long and tragic story is this: I feel my Dad and Stepmother accelerated my brother's death and failed him (and me) as parents.

The slightly longer story: My brother (30) was living with them and my half sister. He was having health issues (health issues that i was told countless times by them are under control bc they're helping him and I was stupid enough to believe them). However, that was not the truth. The truth is my brother was depressed and soothing his depression with alcohol - so much so that a doctor called him an alcoholic in front of my dad and Stepmother. The alcohol abuse combined with genetics and prescription meds fucked his liver up... like in the ICU with liver failure and eventually multi-organ failure... where I (because my father was still insisting its fixable and my stepmom refused to come to the hospital) had to be the one to tell the doctors to turn off his life support.

I guess I'm angry... I'm angry at myself for believing my parents when they kept telling me everything was ok. And I'm angry I didn't question them more about it. I'm angry my brother hid his drinking from me after me and him had a heart to heart about it and he told me he was working on it... but then again, maybe he was but it was still too late... I never got the chance to ask him....

But most of my anger is at my Dad and Stepmom. We still haven't really spoken about my brother's death and the details surrounding it (he died over the summer), which isn't surprising because they rarely talk to me... since I moved out when I was 19, most of our relationship is initiated by me. And honestly I don't know what good would come from talking to them about it... I see it being a lot of defensiveness and them claiming the line that makes me want to vomit because its simply not true.. the line of "we did everything we could." Bc maybe they think that was true for the last week of his life (even though IMO it wasn't)... but it definitely wasn't true when a doctor told my brother (in front of my parents) he has alcoholic tendencies and should stop drinking, yet they not only brushed it off and didn't tell anyone else in the family but they also continued to drink WITH him. And then when his girlfriend questioned them about his skin coloring (he was suffering from jaundice), they claimed they noticed, but that's just because of the warm yellow light bulbs they have in the house. Then there's also the vomiting multiple times a day for a couple weeks that apparently didn't alarm them or make them think "hmm something is not right."

Anyways... I guess I'm just not sure what to do and how to handle this.

I get everyone has their own perspective of things and if they truly thought they were helping him and that they truly did do everything they thought they could, I feel like I'm supposed to accept and respect that. However, I'm having such a hard time with that and I do not know if I will ever get to a point in my life where I do... especially because I have a little sister who is half my age to think about. Like if that's my parents philosophy (put blinders on, ignore all problems and symptoms) I'm seriously concerned for how they're going to (or possibly already have) fuck up my little sister.

And then to top everything else off... how in the world am I supposed to continue putting effort into our mainly one sided relationship when, right now I am beyond disappointed with my dad and disgusted with my stepmother.

And there's also the utter sadness to consider... I called this story tragic and it truly is because my brother's death could have been preventable if someone spoke up at any time during the 14 months that the doctor told him he needed to drop drinking and when he died.

I'm just so lost at what to do and how to handle everything that has gone on and is going on. This is so incredibly hard.

TL;DR My 30 year old brother would probably still be alive if my parents cared enough to help him. I don't know how to salvage our shitty relationship.

Submitted January 28, 2021 at 03:30PM by Due_Assignment_631 https://ift.tt/3oojOfP