Hi all, throwaway for privacy reasons. Been with my girl Jane 3 years, living together for 2, moved into a new apartment together about 6 months ago. We've always been a team aimed towards building an awesome life together but things have changed. Please let me know if I'm the jerk in this situation, I need perspective.
About the same time we moved into the new apartment, I got a promotion at my job and my income skyrocketed. It's a sales job, I make around 100-150k annually. Jane is self employed, it's impossible to know how much she makes as she does not track it at all but I'd say she brings home about 36k/yr after her business expenses. To say we have different financial mindsets is putting things lightly. She's a shopaholic and I am a frugal guy who tracks every dime.
Since I make more, I am obviously willing to cover more of our expenses. Since moving in, I have paid 100% of the rent, groceries, miscellaneous (power, internet, cell phones, etc.). All spending really. I am the only one contributing to our savings and to paying off debt. I've built up 15k savings for a down payment on a house and paid off about 10k of our credit card debt. Jane will occasionally pay for takeout here and there but for the most part, her money (and mine) is hers to do with as she wishes. That's not the agreement we had at the beginning of our relationship (she used to make more than me, actually). It's just since I got this new job. I'd like to build a life and future for us together and she is happy letting me worry about that while she spends all the money.
I want her to help, just a little bit. I would be ecstatic if she put $100 a month towards rent or savings so I'm not shouldering everything alone. I know I make a lot more but I'm not happy just financing her whole life. She saved up about $3000 in cash and I was super excited to move it to the savings account for our house, but she blew it ALL on expensive Christmas gifts and then went through my Christmas cards from my parents, took $400 and spent it on some hair accessories that she never even used. That really pissed me off and I was hardly able to even talk to her for a day or two.
I feel like her spending has gotten out of control, she is not contributing at all, and it's making me feel guilty about my own spending too. I have not really been able to enjoy my newfound income much, I would like to buy a new bike or whatever but then Jane blows thousands on useless shit and I feel like I can't justify treating myself at all.
I guess I need to stand up for myself a bit but honestly things have gotten increasingly fragile between us for a lot of other reasons (not enough characters to describe) and I'm hesitant to have a sit-down with her. How can I put my foot down and either get her to control her spending or start contributing more?
tl;dr: Ever since I got a new job, Jane has stopped contributing towards savings/rent and has started spending more than ever. We have big goals for our future but it feels like I'm the only one working towards it. How can we make things feel more equal, with the consideration that I do make much more than her?
Submitted January 28, 2021 at 02:41PM by tempuser989 https://ift.tt/3ot33zW
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