I've been with my boyfriend for 12 years and we have a 6 year old daughter. When we first got together, I knew he played a lot video games but we were in our mid 20's and I didn't care. It never bothered me before.... until a few years ago. He is chronically unemployed - he is a skilled worker but gets laid off a lot and sits on unemployment until it's over before looking for another job. Admittedly he worked his ass off when our daughter was little so that I could stay home with her. He was seasonally laid off and just enjoyed this time off... fine... it was nice having him home because we both spent a lot of time with our daughter.
Financially we were always struggling. I mean... poor. There were years where I made everything from scratch because we couldn't afford to buy it premade (like bread). I had a pretty good job before I had a baby, I am university educated but I couldn't get back into work because when I did go back... our lives got immensely more difficult. My boyfriend was staying home with the baby when I went back and I worked all day, just to come home to a messy house, I had to cook, take care of the baby etc because as soon as I got home, my boyfriend would want to just relax and play video games. He would get angry if I asked him to do something. "I need to relax, I've been taking care of the baby all day!" So we decided that I would stay home, cook, clean, take care of the baby and he could go to work. This was working well... but like I said... he would stay home for 6 months on seasonal lay off and during this time we would damn near starve. So... I learned how to do a bit of coding and graphic design and I started an online business. It started to make money.
So now I find myself cooking, cleaning, taking care of a child that's remote learning and running an online business while my boyfriend... sits on the couch playing video games. He hasn't worked since March 2020.
He does help if I nag him...but if I left him alone and said nothing... he would play video games all day - I know because I've tested this out many times! His unemployment check does pay the rent and so he thinks he's done his fair share. He calls me a nag. But seriously guys... he doesn't put food back in the fridge after he takes it out to make a sandwich, he leaves the bread bags open, he leaves his wet towels and dirty clothes on the floor after a shower, he never hangs up his coat - it just sits in the middle of the floor or on the couch until I pick it up or nag him to hang it up. This stuff was only mildly annoying and I lived with it because ultimately he is nice, never hits me, doesn't drink or go out partying with friends, we have fun together, he's my bestfriend and I love him.
BUT - my daughter is turning into him.... and I cannot have that. She is very smart (like scary smart), a great swimmer and a talented musician (at 6!). She is so far behind in her virtual schooling because her dad was in charge of that (I had to work). I have started doing her school with her because it's obvious that if I leave it up to him, she'll be even more behind. So now I work at night until about 2 or 3 am. She cries if I try take her to the park or play outside in any way, she just wants to stay in and play video games with her dad or play on her tablet while he plays games. She's getting chubby because he does nothing with her all day (unless I get angry at him so that he wants to escape the witch that replaces his girlfriend). She no longer sings or dances... never wants to play piano (all things she used to love doing). I can talk to him about it and all he does is get angry because I'm attacking him or that I'm too controlling.
I want to just give up... but I can't do that to my daughter. She has the potential to do so much more with her life. Also - when we are both working we make good money - enough to buy a house and a truck if he would just fucking work all year! Instead he seems fine staying in a crappy apartment for the rest of our lives.
So I have some choices... I can take it all on willingly and just let the guy rot on the couch while keeping the house clean, running my business, educating my daughter, cooking the food, saving for a house - other women do it all the time right?? (he won't be getting sex because... well...I'm not attracted to males that I resent) OR I can keep getting angry and being a nagging witch with hopes that he'll ultimately grow up while looking like the mean mommy to my daughter. OR I can runaway with my internet business and live like a queen in Guatemala and just say "fuck it!". I would have to choose to leave my daughter... but at least if he just keeps her on the tablet for the next 12 years she won't even notice I'm gone. OR I suppose I could leave him... but honestly I think my daughter would choose to live with him because he lets her do whatever she wants.
I need some perspective and a little advice... please help!
TLDR: I resent my boyfriend for playing video games all day instead of working or helping with our daughter. He gets angry and calls me a controlling nag. My daughter is turning into him and it's breaking my heart. I want to leave but my daughter would be heartbroken and I'm sure she'd want to live with him because I'm just the mean, controlling nag that's always angry at her dad.
Edit: grammar and typos
Submitted January 09, 2021 at 09:37PM by thewildsage https://ift.tt/3nzyOqC
No comments:
Post a Comment