My boyfriend (28m) told me (25f) he has cold feet over marriage and doesn't know if they will ever not be cold. We broke up and then he asked for a week to think about his decision.

Hi guys so I'm so heartbroken. My boyfriend (28m) and I (25f) have been together for over three years. We live together and have grown as people together. Our love was so strong there was absolutely in my mind no doubt that we were going to get married. Every time I take about it he was all in as well. We even went to go look at rings together during Christmas holidays. We spent some time apart during Christmas he went to his parents and I went to mine. His parents live hours away so we spent approximately 12 days away before I drove over to spend a week with his family.

Everything was great when I was there, it was just like it always was. When we came back home after the holidays everything was normal, we were affectionate, he said I loved you everyday to me-- nothing felt wrong! Out of no where when I arrive back from work on Wednesday he tells me he needs to tell me something. I look at him so confused and ask if it's something bad. He says yes. I beg him to please wait until the evening as I had to start my second job which is online in 10 minutes. He said he couldn't and blurted out stuff about how he has thought long and hard when we were apart for 12 days about getting down on one knee and he is having cold feet and he isn't ready and he just doesn't have that feeling. He kept talking about waiting for a sign or a feeling and it never came when we were apart. he said that he thought that when I came over for the holidays and he saw me the feeling might come but it didn't. I freaked out in sheer panic. I only had 10 minutes before my second job and I couldn't process what he was saying, I don't remember what I said but I ran into my office. He then told me he was going to his friend house.

I was so distraught but has to keep it together for my second job. At midnight he came back home. We had a long conversation and he basically said the same thing and said he felt pressure from me because I was always talking about it and I have him a deadline of this year. The thing is I thought this was a agreed upon deadline he agreed to this and I had no doubt that he wanted to marry me, he always said he wanted to. We had names for our babies. We were so good together and so in love. He kept reiterating that he was scared, couldn't get the guts, didn't have the feeling, commitment issues, leaving me might be the biggest mistake of his life and he didn't know if he would ever be ready. He also said that he talked with his parents and they told him it should feel right and so if it doesn't feel right he needs to let me know. He said he didn't want to waste my time any more because he knew I wanted marriage and kids and he only wants the best for me because he loves me and he didn't want me waiting around for a ring. We agree to break up.

I had to take two mental health days of work as I was so broken. I could feel alright with this parting if there was something wrong with us but there wasnt it is just his immaturity and fear that's causing this.

I decide to move to my parents house until he finds a place as his parents live hours and a ferry ride away.

We decide to meet one last time to say goodbye and split up the furniture a couple days later. We are both crying and holding hands. We talk about it more. I tell him I didn't know he was feeling this way deep down and we could have found a compromise or something. I express how I'll always love him and how I loved our relationship and how happy it made me. He said the same things back telling me he had never loved someone as much as he has loved me. I tell him I don't think there is a "feeling or sign from God" that you should marry someone. I feel him I think it's more like figuring out of you can live without the person or not. Figuring out if your life is better with the person in your life or not. I also tell him that many things in life scare me or make my uncomfortable but I have to deal with that fear and take a chance-- most of my success in life have started this way (competing schooling for my career that took so much out of me but is so fufilling and worth it now).

He tells me things spiraled out of control a couple daya ago and it wasn't his intention to break up with me just to talk with me about how he was feeling. I told him it didn't feel like that, because he just left to his friends house after our talk. He then asks for me to give him more time. He asks for a week to just think. I ask him if we do stay together how do I know he will not do this to me again? He says he would never do this to his wife and family, never. He said this with tears in his eyes. I said ok to giving him time and tell him I will not text him. That day was effectively the last time i may ever see him.. I told him If he decides he can't live without me then we will move forward and he will need to mend a lot of broken hearts from this (mine, my parents, my friends, his parents). If he decides he is too scared and wants to give up what we have he will move out by the end of the month and I'll stay at my parents the entire month of January.

I can't eat and feel so stressed out. I know where I stand and I love him and believe in him which is why I'm giving him this time to be sure. We were both so emotional, this is actually only the second time I've seen him cry. He is not an emotional person so I can tell this is just tearing him apart. Also we are doing well financially so financial stress is not what is scarring him. I truly think it's the idea of responsibility and the commitment.

Do you think he can make a big life decision in a week? What are your thoughts, is this a bad sign for our future?

TL;dr : boyfriend (28m) got cold feet over marrying me (25f). He is scared and said he doesn't have that feeling or didn't get a sign that he should do it. He loves me more than he has ever loved anyone else and doesn't want to hold me back by wasting my time. We break up and he then asks for one more week to think about his decision.

Submitted January 10, 2021 at 08:29AM by illiacfossa https://ift.tt/3bs3Yha