My boyfriend has hundreds of his own d*ck pics on his phone and he’s not sending them to me. Is he sending them to someone else? How can I bring this up in a constructive way?

I’m 31(f) my boyfriend is 33(m) we have been dating for 4 years and live together, we both have each other’s thumb saved to our phones to unlock them and I do not and never have gone through his phone until this morning, and it started as an accident.

He was sleeping on the couch (I’ll get into this shortly) while I was up and making coffee. I looked over at him and saw that the cat was curled up with him, the way they were sleeping was super adorable and I wanted to take a picture but didn’t have my phone on me (if you know anything about cats you know that by the time you even suggest you have a camera or go to grab one, they will be gone) so I grabbed his phone which was sitting next to him on the couch to snap a photo instead. When I opened his phone the camera roll was already up, and I immediately noticed several very R rated d*ck pics he took of himself while jerking off, which is fine, I wasn’t upset at all, but then I clicked on one (cause duh I wanna look at it lol) and I noticed the time stamp. It was 7:15 am. This got me feeling a little weird because about a week ago while I was sleeping I got up to pee very early in the morning, let’s say 6 am, and I saw him masturbating in the living room, which is also fine, masturbate all you want, it’s your house. He ended up bringing it up the next day to make sure it wasn’t weird which I assured him it wasn’t and we went about our life. However, remembering this moment and the time stamp correlation, I made a poor decision and went to his hidden picture folder and surprise, there are HUNDREDS of them. Videos too. And most of them have time stamps of 5am to 7am.

I just want to state off the top, I have no problem with him masturbating, watching porn or taking a few pictures of him doing so. All of that is normal and healthy and that is not my concern at all, my concern is the amount of photos, the regularity and time of the photos and the purpose of the photos, however, the real issue I have with this entire situation is that the past year through covid, he’s been staying up much later than me after I go to bed and then he ends up falling asleep on the couch, where he will then sleep until 3 or 4 pm the next day. Our sex life has suffered because of this because we rarely sleep in the same bed anymore. It doesn’t seem purposeful, we get along fine (somehow even through a year of no jobs and quarantining) we don’t fight, we do have sex occasionally and overall we are doing well. We just celebrated our 4 year anniversary and he wrote me a beautiful letter, we had a great night and had sex that night and then next morning. I’m reason I’m feeling confused and upset is that he often laments that we don’t have enough sex, I in return remind him, if we slept in the same bed more often, sex is more likely to happen. I’ve also asked him many times to please just come to bed with me when I go to sleep, which is usually 2 am btw, it’s not like I’m asking for an 8 pm bedtime. There’s literally zero reason for him to be staying up until 7 am and then sleeping until 3. He’s always mad at himself the next day for wasting the day, it’s not good for his health and it’s bad for our relationship.

I just feel like taking that many dirty pictures of yourself jerking off is not normal and I’m curious if other people do this too. Of course I have a few dirty pictures of myself on my phone that I take when I’m feeling hot, but not hundreds of close ups of my vag. It seems weird to take pictures like that if you’re not sending them to someone else while sexting and I’m wondering if he’s sending them to other people because he’s certainly not sending them to me. Is it possible he’s taking them of himself because it turns him on? Is it more likely he is sending them to other people and I’m refusing to believe it? I’m totally spinning out here, and now I’m so upset with myself that I looked through his phone because I’m questioning everything.

I’m feeling extremely rejected because it seems like he would he just rather stay up till 7 am every night so he can jerk off rather than have sex with me. If that’s the case why would he always say how he wishes we had more sex? He’s clearly not trying to have more sex. I’m also extra confused because as far as I know, he’s never cheated on me and I’ve never had any feelings that he would or has. He’s extremely loyal and caring, he’s a great person and a wonderful partner who seems to value me and our relationship.

How can I bring this up with him in a way that doesn’t seem accusatory especially when I feel like I’m the one who is in the wrong for looking through his phone? Am I in the wrong for being concerned? It just feels so icky and I’m to be honest I feel not only betrayed but kind of disgusted. Sorry this is all over the place, I’m spiraling.

TL;DR: boyfriend has hundreds of d*ck pics in his phone of himself taken while masturbating and only takes them after I’m asleep, I want to ask him about it and if he’s sending them to other people but don’t know how to bring it up since I’m the one who snooped through his phone.

Submitted February 21, 2021 at 05:54PM by LeatherFeedback https://ift.tt/3qHDdKH