The relationship with my mother has always been troubled. She tries and I truely believe she had good intentions, but with a flip of a switch she could turn into this horrible person that just keeps putting you down. When I was 12, a few of the things she said to me were that I was a fat pig and nobody would ever like me, because I ate something that she wanted to eat. She told me it was my fault my father was depressed and she did not waste any minute telling people I looked like my dad (fat) while my sister looked like her (skinny). She would get mad about everything. Not putting your shoes in the right place, not putting your jacket in the right place, not preparing food and so on. But the trouble is. I would put my shoes away, I would put my jacket away and she would find something new.
I prepared food, but then I picked the wrong food or I prepared it the wrong way. I washed my clothes, but then I wasted money by putting on the washing machine. I was expected to put my dirty clothes in a bin by thursday. Then she would wash on wednesday, not tell me and be mad at me for not putting my clothes in the bin. She would only wash the clothes I put in the bin, bit then sometimes she would take all my clothes, even if I was still going to wear them again. Then she would say I used too many clothes, or I used too little. Me and my sister couldn't mention our aunts, because she would get jealous and mad that we didn't spend timz together. And so on. Let's say nothing was ever good enough.
One of the last straws was that she picked a fight with me a minute before I was going to see my dead grandmother who I was very close to. I didn't get a chance to see her before she died because I was on a vacation with friends for a week. She told me I didn't care for my sister because I hadn't called her yet about something. One thing people know about me is that I care. I would drop pretty much everything for my friend and family.
For all those things she has never apologized. Not once.
The thing is I moved out and I am very happy now, but my dad hasn't. I would say I am a daddy's girl. Both of us suffer from OCD and depression, so we connect in that way. With corona my dad temporarily lost his job and he is having a harder time than usual, but my mom just can't stop breaking him down for everything. Because of his OCD, he has some compulsions, which he is very ashamed about ( they truely aren't that bad and I don't think he should ever feel that way). My mom knows this, but when the switch is flipped she goes low. She mentions his compulsions and tells him how terrible he is. She doesn't just say stuff like that. She constantly breaks him down. For buying the wrong kind of bread (she never said she didn't want that type of bread), for not being a handyman (my dad has never been a handyman, but he is loyal, kind, understanding. Pretty great if you ask me.) Sure he has flaws, but the problem is my mom only sees his flaws not her own.
Now that I am gone I don't suffer as much, but seeing and hearing how she treats my dad I can't help but feel mad. I am so mad at her that I can't look at her. I know this hurts her and she will cry and I feel bad, but she never ever admits to any wrongdoings and my emphathy for her is just starting to fade away. I don't want this to happen, but I just feel so angry. I got over the things she did to me. It happened, she won't change. But it's hard to see her destroy my dad in some ways.
I truely want to feel empathy for her. But I tried so many different things, and she just doesn't listen. She doesn't think about how she hurts other people, she only sees her pain. And it breaks my heart when she cries. But how is it that when I cry because of what she said, she doubles down, but I have to feel bad for her when she does.
I don't know what to do anymore really.
TLDR Me and my mother have a troubled history. I moved out and it has improved our relationship. But I get so angry for the things she puts my dad through and the ways in which she breaks him down. I can't look at her anymore and when she cries I don't really feel that much anymore, but I don't want it to be like that anymore. I just don't know what to do anymore...
Submitted February 20, 2021 at 10:45AM by NotKeepingUp https://ift.tt/3pG1wqV
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