TL;DR: Slight inconveniences seem to drive my wife over the top, no matter what I do. She gets easily frustrated with our 2yo, more so than what seems reasonable. Gets verbally aggressive and “rage-cleans” by just picking stuff up off floors and tossing them into rooms for me to pick up later. Cleans when I’m at work then uses it against me saying I never clean. Half vent session, half advice seeking.
So I’ve noticed that my wife has pretty short patience, and frequently ignores our two year old girl. Our daughter will say “mama” several times and even walk up to her, and I have to say something to my wife to get her to acknowledge our daughter.
Today’s incident, which led me to type this post, my daughter just woke up from her nap. During the nap, my wife watched a tv show for about 30 minutes, then we folded laundry. My daughter woke up and for about 30 minutes after that, they hung out on the couch together while I put away more laundry. Then, while I’m putting up my daughter’s clothes in her room, I heard what I knew was going to escalate to something more. Our daughter fell and hurt herself and started crying for “mama”, so my wife responds with “go over there with your dad” instead of consoling her.
I go in the living room to get more laundry, and I notice my wife on her laptop. My daughter just brought a box of building blocks into the living room to play. My wife tells me to take her into a separate room for five minutes so she can sign up for a class. Seemingly immediately after saying that, she slams her laptop and goes into the bedroom slamming the door. I play with our daughter for a bit, who then, in classic 2yo fashion, starts asking for mama and crying when I guide her away from the bedroom door.
I of course hear the laptop slam shut and the wife storms out of the bedroom and goes onto the back patio. My daughter is still crying for her mother’s attention, and after only 15 seconds, the wife storms back inside, slams the door, then goes into the guest room, which has a desk and has been designated as her office. Again, only 15 seconds pass and she storms back into the living room only to say in a raised voice “I just need five fucking minutes to I can think clearly, can you please take her outside”. I told her that I was taking care of her, and that she’s just a two year old who gets upset sometimes. I told her to stop complaining and to just deal with her shit.
I don’t want to say that I take care of our daughter more, but I’m my opinion it seems that way. I’m almost always the one who gets up in the morning with her, regardless if I work the night before or not (I work until 2am and the wife is currently in school). The difference between my wife and I is that I’ll cook breakfast meals of eggs, bacon, and fruits, whereas my wife just offers up a bowl of instant oatmeal.
Even on car rides, when I’m driving, our daughter will occasionally ask for mama, and I have to chime in and talk to her, because the wife is always buried in her phone.
The worst part of all of the issues I have with this? I have tried talking to her about it, but I shit you not, I started to bring it up one time and my wife said “I’d tread very carefully if I were you”.
It’s fucking irritating because a majority of the time our relationship is great. It seems like minor shit pops her off, and I HATE when my wife yells or does anything aggressive in front of our daughter. I just try and keep a calm tone, but that only pisses her off more.
Another scenario that happened today:
We left a coffee shop and I accidentally took a wrong turn (unfamiliar part of town), mistaking a turn lane for a u-turn, putting me facing oncoming traffic for a brief moment. I correct myself, back up, and start moving forward. The wife yells at me to “just go that way!” And I respond with “I’m literally driving forward right now”, so she straight up just says “okay, fuck you then”.
She goes on the “rage-cleaning” sprees where she picks stuff up and throws them (yes, throws) into the correct rooms, then gets mad when I don’t clean those other rooms. I have a good track record of putting things away when I’m done, and she just leaves things out. Yesterday, she told me to clean up the bedroom even though it was covered with her clothes from when she was picking out an outfit earlier. All my clothes were already picked up, but she puts it on me to clean up her mess.
Stuff like this really hurts. I have so much more I want to vent, but this post is already so long. Anyone have any advice? Divorce is not an option for me, and I know that if I bring up counseling, it wouldn’t be pretty. She’s made it to where I fear talking to her about problems because she always makes it my fault unless I raise my voice and specifically tell her to stop talking and listen.
Edit: Two hours after posting. She’s stayed in the bedroom and hasn’t come out or said anything once. I’ve already made dinner, cleaned, continuously entertaining my daughter, cleaned up her potty training accident, and starting the bath/bedtime routine in 30 minutes.
Submitted January 08, 2021 at 02:09PM by OinkOinkAmPiggy https://ift.tt/3nChD85
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