So me and my fiancé have been together for over 12 years now. We were planning to get married last year but had to postpone a year due to COVID. We had been planning to try for a baby after the wedding and even when the wedding had to be postponed, we talked about doing it anyway but because fathers aren't allowed at many appointments and have limited time on the postnatal ward, we decided to postpone trying for a baby as well. I say "we decided", I basically agreed not to because my fiancé didn't want to even though I really really do want to. I had told my sisters when we were talking about possibly trying for a baby and one of my sisters accidentally mentioned it in a WhatsApp group that a mutual friend (28F) was in. Now this friend is really more like a frenemy but I won't get into that on this post. When the mistake was realised my sisters played it off as a joke. I told my fiancé about it and I think I was clear that I wasn't keen on her knowing about plans. Fast forward a few months and this friend told my fiancé that she's pregnant and subtly asks him about our plans. He told her that we had planned to delay trying for now "even though OP really wants a baby". When I found out that he'd told her I was pretty upset about it and I told him as much. He said he didn't see the big deal. I told him that I've never liked people knowing when I have big plans and aims until after I've done them because otherwise it makes me feel judged and pressured even when that's not the case. It's always been a thing for me and he knows it, if I'm taking an exam for my medical career I won't tell people about it until after I've found out I've passed. He essentially said that's my problem that I should sort out with therapy and he would not acknowledge that he shouldn't have said it. We've kind of settled on an agreement that he won't tell anyone else even though he says he doesn't understand why not. Am I being over the top here? It just feels to me that it was a boundary that he'd known I'd set so even if he didn't know why, he should have stuck to it. To me it's not a difficult thing and it's not that uncommon for people not to want others to know their baby plans.
TL;DR Fiancé told a friend about our plans to delay trying for a baby even though I'd made it clear I didn't want that friend to be told anything about our plans. He doesn't see what the big deal is and thinks he did nothing wrong. Am I being over the top?
Submitted January 09, 2021 at 04:03PM by MeowSaysEllieTheCat https://ift.tt/35r1H1Q
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