So I met a guy of January 2020 on the apps and we’re Muslim so with the right amount of vetting we get married pretty quickly. We seemed to hit off for the month of texting, but when we met in person he was extremely touchy, would grope me, and being inexperienced I just let him because he said he wanted to marry me. He spoke to my father, set a wedding date, and overall him and his family seemed pretty excited about me, he seemed to be rushing the wedding and so was his family and I had to ask him multiple times to slow down. Then comes the negging, at about 3 months he started to call me ugly, said he was better looking, said people would say we only got married because I’m in med school and will be a doctor someday, he said he didn’t want a fat wife even though I workout everyday and I think I’m hot. It was frustrating because, these insults would be mixed in with what I thought was affection. But tbh he never introduced me to his friends, never bought me gifts, and never took me on a proper date, it was always just hooking up in the car for 7 months, and he was extremely stingy. I know this is a mistake but I gave him oral,and after that he had leverage to let me allow him to do things I wasn’t okay with such as smoking weed, ect. He said part of liking a girl is that she’s okay with small stuff. He ended it the day of our engagement, saying he wasn’t that attracted to me, and when he met me 7 months ago he thought I didn’t look like my pictures and he’d thought he’d grow to appreciate me, but he couldn’t see me as his wife. He said that he thought it might have been my acne and since I was on accutane, but he forced himself to be into me and my clear skin didn’t help much. He said he never had bad intentions, and felt bad for touching me that’s why he thought he’d have to marry me. except the part I don’t get is why was he putting his hands on me, why couldn’t he have just found someone he liked. He would never let me end our relationship, when I felt things weren’t right.
Now comes December 2020, he’s engaged publicly, all his friends know about his girl, he knows her friends. In fact, in a lot of ways she’s like me. She’s from a different state mind you, and may not know much about him, and all his habits. In fact, I think she’s way more religious than me, and somehow he always had a problem with me laying my boundaries down. She’s a dentist so obviously he doesn’t have the weight of carrying me through med school financially anymore, which seemed to be a huge issue. But I can’t stop myself from feeling hurt, and wondering why I wasn’t good enough to be treated like well. Why did I have to be kept a secret, and not get any relationship benefits when I did my best to build him up. I keep asking myself what does she have, that I didn’t, that cause me to be treated as such, and why he couldn’t just leave me alone to begin with. How can I overcome my insecurities?
TLDR: it’s highly likely my ex used me, but now he’s engaged pretty quickly, and I feel insecure and I’m left wondering where I went wrong.
Submitted January 05, 2021 at 08:19PM by hoplessnstressed https://ift.tt/3q5M2NJ
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